I Have a Better Idea...

UPDATE: I suppose I should amend this post to point out that I've The Godzilla Cycle has... I guess launched. It's just a tiny bit of information, but I cover the details better on the site itself which is here. Obviously this isn't all I've done in the... oh I guess it's been four months, but the posted articles are the only ones finished or near enough to finished that I could justify releasing them. I WAS going to hold off until I got in an article for all the topics relevant to the 50's, but, uh... the scope and detail of my articles kind of ballooned to a kiiind of unmanageable size, or at least unmanageable with regard to the fact that I'm trying to work on a number of other things as well. Anwyas, on to the original post:

So recently I made some resolve to make this whole "unseen" project thingy, because none of this info is out there and most of the stuff that is is either a rumor, lie, or both. It came about of course because of a kind of retreat into denial after Godzilla died, but with the recent news of Godzilla fighting back against his most deadly enemy yet - Hollywood - it kinda moved from "a thing I'm doing because what else is there" to a full-on preservation attempt. I figure, if Godzilla loses and this death is permanent after all, someone, somewhere, should be keeping a record in the first world's most widely spoken language.

And there's no one more qualified than me, really. Nor is there anyone who comes even remotely close who's actually trying.

So that means I have three main concerns that the last two posts I made (and the presumed future ones) are addressing:

1. Preservation - To keep ALL parts of the Godzilla myth cycle alive for as long as I am capable. The whole point is that, as our cultural keystone, Godzilla is supposed to outlive all of us and represent us to whoever inherits the future, be they wandering aliens or teenage cavemen or reptile people from the Hollow Earth. I can only keep the legends alive for so long and with a limited amount of reach, but if I can get it out there, there's a chance future generations will keep the flame going. Homer's epics were written in the mid-700's bce, if Godzilla can't survive for a mere 60 years, then we, as a civilization, have failed utterly.

2. Illumination - There are stories that, for some weird reason, have simply gone untold. Not rare, obscure details lost to time, but public, well-known and oft-repeated tales plastered over something as widely seen as wikipedia. There is something wrong with that. Why is it that so much is made of Godzilla vs. the Space Monsters and yet things like Bride of Godzilla and Super Godzilla: God's Angry Messenger are just outright ignored by millions of people? Where is the sense in that? All it takes is a minute of one's time, but instead this stuff, largely, remains buried despite its ease of access. I want to change all that, and not only keep what's already printed in English alive, but to tell the whole story, to the best of my knowledge, aggregated from all over the world. After all, Godzilla belongs to all the people of the world, not just a single nation.

3. Education - Because of language barriers, and the 30 some odd years when enthusiastic people existed but a clear "fandom" or source of information to most of the world did not, there are many, many half-truths, rumors, misunderstandings, and of course outright lies. In contemporary times, there are many websites with a somewhat "respected" status, that are looked up to as being trustworthy, but do nothing but spread their horrid lies and filth all over the collective imaginations of those who simply don't know who to trust. Toho Kingdom is the main source of all the lies, obviously, but they're not alone. And really, Toho Kingdom isn't even the worst there is, but the less I say about the Zilla Deniers the better. Hence, there's needs to be an actual trustworthy source out there, somewhere you can go to get the real story. Naturally, I'm just a fallible human being like everyone else, and I don't and can't know everything. However, unlike some *ahem* other places out there, I don't have to know everything, because I have this incredible super human ability to admit when I don't know something or if I'm unsure or when I don't have all the facts. Presenting information simply as it exists allows the record of the rumors to persist, and leaves the power of logical thinking in the hands of the reader. Where absolutism was once king, I can introduce doubt back into the world. Psuedo-Apollodorus (whoever that guy was) never claimed to say exactly which versions of the myths were true, he simply presented the information as he knew it, to record ALL of it, and leave the rest to the reader. That is what I hope to accomplish.

These points have, more or less, already been made in the introduction to my "master list" article, but I'm reiterating them here because they tie directly into what this post is about. See, I said that in that article that I would update it as new information became available or changed, to make that a current go-to list and the other bits would take longer to come out as I checked everything. So it would go research > update master list > write decade specific article. However, in just a few days after writing the list, I learned so much more that large portions of it became outdated all at once, including information about Bride of Godzilla, meaning I would have to go and update both articles.

Not a big deal, just some simple updates, right? Well, it's more than that. What I'm doing here is not enough, and the formatting, the way the information is presented, I realized, isn't conducive to portraying it in the most meaningful and effective way. In order to correct those problems, and hold true to my three main goals, a brand new approach is needed.

What I need to do is create a dedicated database, something like a "wiki" I guess you could call it, where each page leads into another, where the development of various ideas, stories, creatures, and the like can be traced and cross-referenced with their respective histories. A simple list of drafts by date wasn't really accomplishing the sort of thing I now realize I'm "destined" to create.

So, for starters, I'm staying the fuck away from wikia, and that goes for Wikizilla too. I have nothing personal against the de facto Godzilla wiki, it's just... weird. The rules there are random and make no sense, it's scope changes every other hour, and no one seems to really be talking to each other. It's certainly fine for what it is, but a pile of randomly split and merged pages containing not much more than a gallery of sprites and a few statistics isn't really what I'm trying to do. More importantly, I don't really want to mess with whatever they have going on over there. It makes absolutely no sense to me, but they seem to be doing just fine, so there's no need for me to jump in. Frankly, I have bigger fish to fry.

So what will I do, then? For now, I'll be using blogger, and using tags, main page links, and links within articles to keep things into a sort of organized whole. However, I'm hoping this will be a temporary solution, and that sometime in the future I'll find a more appropriate host, one that isn't a wholly owned subsidiary of Skynet, to store information that might be considered subversive to Google and Hollywood's agenda. They haven't taken down anything I've done here yet, but it probably won't be long until the "sponsored" thoughtocracy becomes a techno-mediated mandatory one. It's already headed there now, with only the weakest token attempts at resistance to a few "Call of Duty" advertising campaigns which are completely ineffective.

So, since there's really not much else for me to do at this point, expect to see the new database grow at a pretty steady pace. I'll of course link it here when it's live.

And yes, that means I won't be updating the article series I started here anymore, that'll exist on the new database from now on. In fact, I will more than likely abandon this thing altogether.

"Unseen," Unproduced, and Pre-Production Godzilla and Tohoverse Master List

This post exists just to get this information out there. It took me about two months to finish off that in-depth article about just the first 5 years of "unseen" (in quotes because some of this stuff does get published in various forms), and while I certainly want to make more of the same, getting into detail about things like A Space Godzilla and Godzilla 2, there really is just SO much stuff that for no discernible reason is completely unattested to in English, and I kinda just want to get this out there.

So of course you've got your Rodan's Roost (or whatever the current iteration is called) and Toho Kingdom and various wikis with their lists, all of which are incomplete, and they themselves are rife with made up legends and half-truths and just straight up lies. Three "lost projects" in particular seem to be complete inventions by western authors. So, just on a practical level, this article will serve as an actual complete (as far I know, and I will update this if anything is missing) reference point, as opposed to the main, in-depth articles which will focus only on specific decades.

I was getting to this kind of a point in the introduction to the 60's article I was writing, but it's probably better said right here. Regarding whether or not I am a trustworthy source, as on this blog I've continually drawn attention to the failings of the fantastically inept Toho Kingdom, I of course am not making any of this up. Beyond that, though, I'm just a secondary or even further source, all the stuff I know comes from what others have written and researched. This listing, and the articles on the specific decades, are just aggregates. I can't vouch for everyone, but what I can do is, when I think something sounds fishy, mention that it should be taken with a grain of salt. The flip side of that, of course, is that at the end of the day none of this actually matters. The historical truth, which if there are doubts about I'll point it out, is a totally different animal than they actual stories themselves. Given this, I absolutely do not care about whether a story has been conclusively shown (and, by the way, none of them have, some just seem a little suspicious) to be the invention of later commentators and the rumor mill. At the end of the day, a story is a story, and that's what I'm trying to share: all the stories from this mythological body which have for one reason or another have not appeared in their intended form.

So what counts and what doesn't? Naturally we start at film ideas, scripts, or early drafts, which I'm only going to draw the line at deleted scenes. I figure once something was actually filmed it stops being removed from what's already out there. Additionally, there are ideas or pitches for video games or comics that never saw a commercial release, including a novel which apparently was actually written. The last thing I want to specify about what counts as "unseen" for the purposes of this list, are published stories which were at one point intended to be the basis of something else, but were instead released independently of that finished product OR that product in particular never got made.

Anwyas, here's the list:

Unseen Tohoverse: 1954-1959 FEATURING BRIDE OF GODZILLA SYNOPSIS!!!

DISCLAIMER: This introduction was written before my post about Harbinger Down. I, clearly, no longer have much of an intention on writing anything about the screenplay I'm working on because, well, I'd rather just write the actual screenplay. Things that are capable of keeping my mind occupied aren't that good at it anymore, and my attention to things wanes and waxes with unbelievable fickleness now, so I started this post a while ago, with the intention of finishing it later when I "got around to it." So by the time this goes up, just keep in mind this will have been an archived draft for a while.

One thing I wanted to try to do was write a screenplay for Godzilla X Biollante. The outline is mostly done, really, there are just a few fuzzy points. There's literally no one better qualified for the task than me, I figured, and put simply, no one else is ever going to do this. At least not until modern civilization crumbles, and if anything's left of humanity then they'll inherit Godzilla free of any special corporate or big brother interests, and are free to tell whatever stories they want without some sort of dream-squashing regulatory comity filtering out which ideas matter and which ones should be suppressed. But, you know, that's the world you people have chosen to live in. You wanted it, you LIKE having your thoughts policed, so here you go, now you can have it. You're welcome.

Anwyas, I realized after reading the second issue of Godzilla: Cataclysm that it might not even be strictly necessary. Cataclysm, a post-apocalyptic tale, is basically a gigantic metaphor for what is happening in the real world. Godzilla, and everything else, is gone. Hollywood destroyed the world they lived in, and now most of the world just sort of shambles around in a drug-filled stupor (it's called Opal, and that's a NIN reference) and the very idea of Godzilla has in itself become a legend. The real Godzilla hasn't been seen for 10 years (20 in the comic), and in it's place there are superstitions, people flocking to blind faiths revolving around what their interpretations of memories are. In the second issue, amidst the inhabitants of a small human settlement in the ruins of Tokyo squabbling about whether to reinstate "the lottery," Godzilla, Biollante, and Mothra all duke it out in the post-apocalyptic landscape. Biollante is seemingly killed, (at least that one budding stalk is) and one of the humans notes that, while Biollante was some sort of monstrosity, it was possibly the only chance they had at making the world green again, and it looked like Godzilla was actively searching for her to stop exactly that from happening. Good thing, then, that the same person saves a single rose, which, the implication is obvious, is going to be the Biollante that brings the world back.

So yeah, I... I don't feel like I need to write it. Not only is the story itself basically doing the job, but the comic itself, like, in the context of the real world, is a lifeline to the real Godzilla, and if that single rose can survive, maybe he can to. But, I still have things I need to share, if it's not something I wrote myself, there is at least still information I can catalog, some stuff that has never been seen before in English. Stuff that absolutely boggles me that it does not exist ANYWHERE else on the internet in English... other than skynet's translator.

What untold stories, unchronicled information could I possibly have about the biggest monster in history that apparently exists nowhere else in the English language? It pertains to the cutting room floor, story ideas and script drafts and treatments and contest entries that never made it and such. What new information I have isn't particularly numerous, though, so instead what I'm going to do is put down here everything that I know about the subject, near as I can remember it, so that, no matter where you're coming into this article from, you'll be well aware of at least something new here, and you'll get the whole story all at once instead of having to pick bits and pieces off various sources of varying reputability. Hopefully there are still people out there for whom this information is still important.

Alec Gillis is Fighting Back

 

Remember that horrible abomination that tried to pass itself off as a prequel to The Thing? Remember how the director kept dropping positive PR assuring everyone he was a true fan and all this, and how he was going to match sets 1:1, how it was going to fit in the continuity perfectly and show us how the Norwegian camp ended up like it did, and, especially, that Alec Gillis and Tom Woodruff, Jr. were in charge of the special effects and we could expect a fitting tribute to Rob Bottin's work on the original, which was, of course, absolutely perfect? And remember how they went on record saying that practical effects WOULD be the movie?

And then remember what they actually did? You know, lie?

...and then remember when they killed Godzilla?

In a world where opinions are bought by the highest bidder, sheeple are the new people, and nothing with integrity matters anymore, it seems, to me, that the world is just... ending. Now, if you've been following along, you're probably aware that I'm being quite literal about this. I have no intentions of continuing to live for an extended period of time, no will to live, no ambition, and no passion. Everything that I care about has been destroyed, and I'm basically a walking corpse, a hollow remnant of something that used to be alive.

This isn't, of course, JUST about Godzilla. See, what happened was that my original plan wasn't simply to spend the rest of my life wasting away like an ugly cancerous mass. I know, it's hard to believe, but yes, at one point in my life I had very real plans to have a life of my own. Now Godzilla is certainly the catalyst for this, but back at this time I never could have imagined that Godzilla could have died in such a horrific manner, so I didn't touch him, and I imagined for myself a career where I'd have to do my own thing. That meant I had my own ideas, my own treatments, my own screenplays, even. I wanted to make my own monster movies, separate from Godzilla, but ultimately something he was responsible for. Much like Godzilla himself would not exist if it weren't for King Kong.

And so I was in a weird position for a while, between 2010 and this May, with my financial means gone, there simply was no longer a future for me, because you need money - lots and lots of money - to accomplish anything at all, yet I was still "alive" in a sense. Even though I couldn't write the way I used to, I was spent and angry and tired, I still had something I cared about. Something that I could see that would ignite some sort of spark in me and, for a while, I would feel normal again. The week before Godzilla died was, um... traumatic. I see Biollante now and I just break down. There's no joy there anymore, just a reminder of how the world died. Now, the block isn't simply that I have no means to accomplish what I wanted to, but that nothing matters and no one cares. The mega-corps have won, and we are literally living in an Orwellian dystopia, and no one fucking cares. Even now, there is so much I could say if I really dragged myself back from the dead, but no one's listening to me.

So that's me, that's my problem. Let's shift focus for a moment and talk about Alec Gillis and Tom Woodruff, Jr. These two, if you've found yourself on this article somehow and yet don't know who they are, first of all I'm ashamed of you, second of all, this will sum it up: Xenomorphs. These two worked on 5 of the 7 films, 4 or which they worked on after setting up their own company. These people are for the Alien movies what Eiji Tsuburaya is for Godzilla, they make these things in the most profound sense of the word. We're not just talking about suitmaking and animatronics, Tom IS the Alien. Yes, really, he's the guy in the suit. The Dog Alien? Yeah, that's Tom. And not do we have the suit-builders and actors actually being the same people, but after the disconnect with the second film, Tom and Alec brought H.R. Giger back into it. And even after executive meddling caused a riff between Giger and Fox, Tom and Alec kept fighting the good fight, and the fourth film was far and away the single-most Giger-esque movie ever made. These guys are incredible artists, on par with Shinichi Wakasa or Eiichi Asada on the otherside of the world. And I am not screwing around here, take a look at some of their work and tell me you don't think they're on the same level as the beasts from the east.

As I mentioned at the top, these folks STARTED with the United States' second greatest monster, and had finally worked their way up to a huge milestone, this is essentially a group of dream-makers having their dream come true. And it was stolen from them.

But Alec isn't like me, he's not dead. He has the means, the fanbase, the reputation, and the resources to fight back, and he's not taking this lying down. Last year he started up a Kickstarter for an expy-sequel to The Thing called Harbinger Down. He realized after posting videos of ADI's (the company he and Tom started) effects work on the Thing prequel that he wasn't the only one that felt jipped. The Thing prequel was a very, frankly shocking instance where people simply didn't drink the kool-aid. People were pissed. I was pissed. Alec was pissed, and he's done fucking around.

It's unfortunate that I heard about this so late in the game, with it to be released sometime this year. With my situation, I could have easily given up everything I have to make this sort of thing possible. The good news is that they didn't need my help and things are going along pretty smooth. Suffice to say everyone needs to check out Harbinger Down now, but more than a just being a plug, I'm going to go full circle here and bring the focus back onto myself, and explain what all that set up was about.

I guess realizing that I was willing to pawn off every single thing I could to put towards supporting this movie I'm not even making made something sort of *click* in me. If Godzilla is dead, then there's nothing stopping me from just up and writing Godzilla X Biollante then, is there? That thing that hollywood owns is NOT Godzilla, and there is no way in hell I give a damn about what the fucking mega-corps tell me. Besides that, I still have my own ideas that I need to write down as well. And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

What am I going to write about? What unique monster do I have? What is all this about? Well, and this will probably surprise you if you've been looking at this blog, but I'm ACTUALLY going to write more about this. I'm working out an outline in my head, I've got a lot of ideas, and I finally found something constructive to do with all this rage that's been essentially taking over every aspect of my psyche.

So I'll make a new post soon. Maybe tomorrow, even. But I'll leave you with a few quotes:

"There are two kinds of movies, monster movies and everything else." - Keita Amemiya

"Monsters are important. They've been with humankind since we became human. We're going to do everything we can to keep them with us, and most importantly, to keep them real." - Alec Gillis

"Monsters are born too tall, too strong, too heavy, that is their tragedy." - Ishiro Honda

“I respected him so deeply. My world was Eiji Tsubaraya. He was that important. When he died, I didn’t know how to live.” - Minoru Nakano

"Mankind is a beast of prey... that is the entire history of the human race." - Boyd Rice

Ariel Pink's Back (last fagbook post)

Disclaimer: This is the last thing I'm posting on fagbook before I delete my account. I'm leaving it up for a bit to see if I get any response to it (I won't) because I want to know if anyone wants me to leave them anything. Its presented here... for posterity? Without any alterations, keep that in mind if I refer to "here" I'm talking about fagbook.



Look who's back.

The first time I heard "Helen" on KTRU (remember that, remember when Houston had an actual radio station? Before the mega-corps bought it out?), I honestly thought it was from some sort of under the radar band from, specifically 1969 (I'm usually pretty good with dating things like that). I thought that was pretty cool, I had only recently discovered Bruce Haack, so the notion that I didn't know the whole picture and that stuff as far out as Jefferson Airplane and the Doors and Pink Floyd was "mainstream" and that was even more gold lying just beneath the surface... it shivers up my spine. Whole worlds of music completely hidden, stuff unlike anything I'd ever heard before.

Well, skipping ahead, yes that world exists, but according to archival projects like Psychedelic Arhcaeology, it is hopelessly mundane. Good stuff, but nothing to write home about.
But I WAS right, Ariel Pink was unlike anything I'd ever heard before. At first I couldn't even process it, I didn't understand it at all, just the surface problem alone, for a quick review:

1. This is new?
2. What IS Ariel?
3. Is this... a revival? Like, do I count it as a being space rock because that's what it is or... or... what is this?

But of course it isn't space rock, or anything else, it's fundamentally different from everything else, there's something going on there that isn't just what it sounds like. And it's easy to say "oh, well you mean because it's lo-fi, lo-fi stuff is a genre now." Um, no, no it isn't. It's not the quality of the recordings either, as evidenced when he went hi-fi for Before Today and absolutely nothing changed.

Normally it's very hard to put a finger on exactly what Ariel Pink is, but I've been listening to it for a long time and I think I'm just crazy enough to figure it out: he's figured out how to induce memory. Engineered nostalgia, false memories, pining for the good ol' days that never actually happened. These are all things I'm very familiar with, and it's essentially unique to Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (whole name typed out because fagbook suggested it be), that's not to slight Geneva Jacuzzi or Nite Jewel or even WaVVes, who are all very good at getting inside that ballpark and I love them all to death, but there's something... else... here. And I don't know how he does it but every time I hear a new Ariel Pink song it's like I've known it for my entire life.

I don't know if everyone feels it, but I do.

When I first found out about "hauntology" it really seemed like I had left off of my child life and was moving towards being an adult. I was a goth kid, but I would be a "hauntology" adult. I was in school, then briefly had a job, then finally I started taking film classes and it looked for all the world like I knew where I was going and what I wanted to do. I mean, I'm not going to lie, all the alcohol and hauntology had a pretty detrimental effect for a while, there was the whole thing about Denisera (you can ask Tom or w/e about that if you want), and I was actually living that sort of "perpetual regret" lifestyle where I could never really get into what was happening now because everything was always "the good ol' days," but even so I was still moving forward, and once I got into film school that attitude mostly died.

But in a very short period of time R-real became almost as important to me as Godzilla, because of that synthetic "you're entire life" quality which I sometimes wonder about how real or imagined it actually is. It's clearly not just music anymore, it's some other whole THING now, less about the stuff itself and more about where I was and what I was thinking, and why it would ever matter so much. This song here got released... what, today? I've already heard it before, I can't explain it, but it's one of the best songs I've ever heard, up there with Artifact and Helen for me. The album comes out a week after my birthday, but there don't seem to be any tour dates yet. So... there's that.

So here's the deal: I already know no one's going to read this, but I'm going to leave it up for... idunno, a day or something, because it's the last thing I'm going to post here, I'll copypaste it on my old blog I guess, but I'm giving up. Giving up on fagbook for sure, and most other things as well. I was just looking at how exactly you're supposed to get your name changed legally, it costs upwards of $350 and it's subject to all the same government incompetency and hoops as everything else, I heard one story where an attorney almost died because a set of x-rays where filed under her maiden name. The state of Texas is more than willing to let me die before I get any sort of respect, and if that's what they want I'm more than happy to oblige.

Godzilla Continuity: Parachronic Homogeny part 1: GODZILLA

We start at the most obvious place: the king himself. While the Tohoverse outside of Godzilla is just as expansive and awesome as the purely Godzilla part, there's no denying that all threads lead back to Godzilla in this world. He is, very much, the center of the Tohoverse, even when he's not directly present in a given story. This is, of course, based on the fact that he's solely responsible for the whole thing ever having happened in the first place, and he's also garnered the most consistent attention over the 60 year history of Toho's science fiction and fantasy (and some horror) films.

DISCLAIMER: If you don't know what a "parachronic homogeny" is, or want to know how it is that I'm still alive after "Godzilla 2014," as it's called, I guess, be sure to read my intro to this new sub-series here.

Godzilla Continuity: Parachronic Homogeny part 0: Introduction

So, first of all, yes I'm still here. After the movie I went out drinking with my mom and decisions simply didn't get made. And my mommy telling me it's going to be alright still does manage to work even when you're my age. Logically, I know this isn't true, but I guess you just get it so hardwired in your head as a child that it's hard to shake even when you're an adult who's well aware of how horrible the world is.

The movie? Well, it's not good. It's really, really shitty. I can safely say without any sort of hesitation that it is far worse that both All Monsters Attack and Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla. As, of course, a Godzilla movie. I mentioned this when I was going through the cartoon during the countdown, but it doesn't matter how weird and awful or wrong something is, it can't destroy Godzilla if it was never meant to BE Godzilla in the first place. The Hannah-Barbera cartoon can get away with eye lazors because it's a fun show and no one gives a shit if it's exactly like the movies or not. In this same way, "Godzilla 2014" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to call it (I'm still partial to GINO 2 myself) isn't horrible. If this isn't the end and Toho finally fucking brings Tezuka, Oshima, and Asada back for Godzilla X Biollante like I've been waiting for since 2004, then we can all look back at this strange, Hollywood thing as just a sidebar in Godzilla history. And as a sidebar, I don't hate it. I don't like it, it isn't very good and it's really confusing and pretty stupid and obnoxious, but I could easily watch it again and enjoy it for what it is: a stupid Hollywood movie that has a bastardized version of Godzilla in it which is at the very least an attempt at making it seem like Godzilla.

The problem, of course, is that Hollywood doesn't want to be a sidebar, they play to win, and they always win. So the natural assumption is that this really is the end and there will never be another Godzilla movie. I've had to spell this out so many times now, about why it ultimately doesn't even matter what the movie itself is like, so let's get it out of the way for the last time: "Godzilla 2014" will not ruin Godzilla if it remains as a cute little sidebar to the real Godzilla series, it's a dumb but not horrible movie, like ALIENS, but the problem is that if this becomes what Godzilla is, then yes it has absolutely ruined Godzilla forever. Or at least until it stops becoming marketable.

For those interested, my full review of the film can be found on my new parody blog here. I'm playing an exaggerated character, yes, but my real feelings aren't much better. That blog is going to be a focus from here on out since the whole reason I'm still here in the first place is because I'm going to try and use blogging to get some kind of income, since I apparently and completely un-employable, so this is really kind of my last chance to try and get some sort of a life together for myself. I'm not optimistic about it, especially since everyone uses adblock (including me), but I might as well try, I guess.

SO ANWYAS, WHAT'S A PARAPLEGIC HOMOSEX? Read on to find out: