So, first of all, yes I'm still here. After the movie I went out drinking with my mom and decisions simply didn't get made. And my mommy telling me it's going to be alright still does manage to work even when you're my age. Logically, I know this isn't true, but I guess you just get it so hardwired in your head as a child that it's hard to shake even when you're an adult who's well aware of how horrible the world is.
The movie? Well, it's not good. It's really, really shitty. I can safely say without any sort of hesitation that it is far worse that both All Monsters Attack and Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla. As, of course, a Godzilla movie. I mentioned this when I was going through the cartoon during the countdown, but it doesn't matter how weird and awful or wrong something is, it can't destroy Godzilla if it was never meant to BE Godzilla in the first place. The Hannah-Barbera cartoon can get away with eye lazors because it's a fun show and no one gives a shit if it's exactly like the movies or not. In this same way, "Godzilla 2014" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to call it (I'm still partial to GINO 2 myself) isn't horrible. If this isn't the end and Toho finally fucking brings Tezuka, Oshima, and Asada back for Godzilla X Biollante like I've been waiting for since 2004, then we can all look back at this strange, Hollywood thing as just a sidebar in Godzilla history. And as a sidebar, I don't hate it. I don't like it, it isn't very good and it's really confusing and pretty stupid and obnoxious, but I could easily watch it again and enjoy it for what it is: a stupid Hollywood movie that has a bastardized version of Godzilla in it which is at the very least an attempt at making it seem like Godzilla.
The problem, of course, is that Hollywood doesn't want to be a sidebar, they play to win, and they always win. So the natural assumption is that this really is the end and there will never be another Godzilla movie. I've had to spell this out so many times now, about why it ultimately doesn't even matter what the movie itself is like, so let's get it out of the way for the last time: "Godzilla 2014" will not ruin Godzilla if it remains as a cute little sidebar to the real Godzilla series, it's a dumb but not horrible movie, like ALIENS, but the problem is that if this becomes what Godzilla is, then yes it has absolutely ruined Godzilla forever. Or at least until it stops becoming marketable.
For those interested, my full review of the film can be found on my new parody blog here. I'm playing an exaggerated character, yes, but my real feelings aren't much better. That blog is going to be a focus from here on out since the whole reason I'm still here in the first place is because I'm going to try and use blogging to get some kind of income, since I apparently and completely un-employable, so this is really kind of my last chance to try and get some sort of a life together for myself. I'm not optimistic about it, especially since everyone uses adblock (including me), but I might as well try, I guess.
SO ANWYAS, WHAT'S A PARAPLEGIC HOMOSEX? Read on to find out:
"Parachronic Homogeny" is a cobbled together that basically means that things are the same throughout multiple times or timelines. Break it down, you'll figure it out. When we talk about real world quantum mechanics and theoretical physics, the notion of "multiple timelines" gets into the area of sub-atomic particles and unpredictable variations. What we, as normal people understand it as is "what would happen if the Nazis won WWII?" In either of those scenarios the split timelines could vary in any number of ways, but BEFORE that split they are exactly the same. This isn't a hard concept to grasp, basically what I'm saying if you traveled back to WWI, it wouldn't matter if you came from a future where the Nazis won because that was before our worlds changed.
So how does this apply to Godzilla? Normally completely fictional creations, characters and worlds, can be re-imagined and rebooted or remade any number of times and can freely remix all of the elements with little or now regard for their original structuring. They're just stories, we can do this if we chose. But the Tohoverse is... different. First off, we have a rule established very strongly in 1980 that says you NEVER do remakes EVER. Remakes and Godzilla are forbidden, they are not allowed to mix. That's it. The end. Every story has to be new, it can borrow elements and allude to previous ones, certainly, but it is always something that has never been told in its current form before. That's unshakable.
So because of this when the Tohoverse wants to take a new direction they start with the same backstory and then move forward from there. This ranges from the Heisei Godzilla series where the first film still happened, to the Rebirth of Mothra series where Mothra is basically the same character but put into a new scenario. Because of this, when you watch two films from different timelines with the same characters, you start to realize they're kind of... similar. And when you look at the continuity between them you see all these threads leading back to the same spawn point. What you're seeing is that all the varied Tohoverse canons tie back to a handful of distinct and singular origins that are consistent whether you're watching Mothra vs. Godzilla or Godzilla vs. Mothra.
This isn't without it's problems, of course. Since these are fictional worlds and characters we're dealing with, the end result is still going to obey the rules of the storyteller more than it will the laws of time. And that's fine. As I've said again and again continuity doesn't work the same way in Godzilla movies as it does in western or hollywood films. What YOU think is important between films the producers and writers couldn't possibly give less of a shit about. You can't hold this stuff up to the same criteria that you do Star Trek EU Junior Novels. Call it a difference in our cultures if you must, but I've honestly never had a problem with it myself, it seems to be... well, it seems to just be people who are kinda... well... you know, dumb. These films are pieces of art, and they should be given artistic license.
Still, the kinks to work out aren't anywhere near as complicated as you might expect, and it turns out that by a pretty surprising margin the Toho Multiverse really is pretty consistent throughout all of their varied incarnations.
So what I want to do with this new sub-series of my Godzilla Continuity articles is go over some relevant topics (for now I want to cover the "big four" headlining monsters Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah) and look at what the commonalities are, what the "ur" position of the topic was, and how and why it changed in each successive timeline reboot.
Stay tuned for part 1: Godzilla.
The movie? Well, it's not good. It's really, really shitty. I can safely say without any sort of hesitation that it is far worse that both All Monsters Attack and Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla. As, of course, a Godzilla movie. I mentioned this when I was going through the cartoon during the countdown, but it doesn't matter how weird and awful or wrong something is, it can't destroy Godzilla if it was never meant to BE Godzilla in the first place. The Hannah-Barbera cartoon can get away with eye lazors because it's a fun show and no one gives a shit if it's exactly like the movies or not. In this same way, "Godzilla 2014" or whatever the fuck I'm supposed to call it (I'm still partial to GINO 2 myself) isn't horrible. If this isn't the end and Toho finally fucking brings Tezuka, Oshima, and Asada back for Godzilla X Biollante like I've been waiting for since 2004, then we can all look back at this strange, Hollywood thing as just a sidebar in Godzilla history. And as a sidebar, I don't hate it. I don't like it, it isn't very good and it's really confusing and pretty stupid and obnoxious, but I could easily watch it again and enjoy it for what it is: a stupid Hollywood movie that has a bastardized version of Godzilla in it which is at the very least an attempt at making it seem like Godzilla.
The problem, of course, is that Hollywood doesn't want to be a sidebar, they play to win, and they always win. So the natural assumption is that this really is the end and there will never be another Godzilla movie. I've had to spell this out so many times now, about why it ultimately doesn't even matter what the movie itself is like, so let's get it out of the way for the last time: "Godzilla 2014" will not ruin Godzilla if it remains as a cute little sidebar to the real Godzilla series, it's a dumb but not horrible movie, like ALIENS, but the problem is that if this becomes what Godzilla is, then yes it has absolutely ruined Godzilla forever. Or at least until it stops becoming marketable.
For those interested, my full review of the film can be found on my new parody blog here. I'm playing an exaggerated character, yes, but my real feelings aren't much better. That blog is going to be a focus from here on out since the whole reason I'm still here in the first place is because I'm going to try and use blogging to get some kind of income, since I apparently and completely un-employable, so this is really kind of my last chance to try and get some sort of a life together for myself. I'm not optimistic about it, especially since everyone uses adblock (including me), but I might as well try, I guess.
SO ANWYAS, WHAT'S A PARAPLEGIC HOMOSEX? Read on to find out:
"Parachronic Homogeny" is a cobbled together that basically means that things are the same throughout multiple times or timelines. Break it down, you'll figure it out. When we talk about real world quantum mechanics and theoretical physics, the notion of "multiple timelines" gets into the area of sub-atomic particles and unpredictable variations. What we, as normal people understand it as is "what would happen if the Nazis won WWII?" In either of those scenarios the split timelines could vary in any number of ways, but BEFORE that split they are exactly the same. This isn't a hard concept to grasp, basically what I'm saying if you traveled back to WWI, it wouldn't matter if you came from a future where the Nazis won because that was before our worlds changed.
So how does this apply to Godzilla? Normally completely fictional creations, characters and worlds, can be re-imagined and rebooted or remade any number of times and can freely remix all of the elements with little or now regard for their original structuring. They're just stories, we can do this if we chose. But the Tohoverse is... different. First off, we have a rule established very strongly in 1980 that says you NEVER do remakes EVER. Remakes and Godzilla are forbidden, they are not allowed to mix. That's it. The end. Every story has to be new, it can borrow elements and allude to previous ones, certainly, but it is always something that has never been told in its current form before. That's unshakable.
So because of this when the Tohoverse wants to take a new direction they start with the same backstory and then move forward from there. This ranges from the Heisei Godzilla series where the first film still happened, to the Rebirth of Mothra series where Mothra is basically the same character but put into a new scenario. Because of this, when you watch two films from different timelines with the same characters, you start to realize they're kind of... similar. And when you look at the continuity between them you see all these threads leading back to the same spawn point. What you're seeing is that all the varied Tohoverse canons tie back to a handful of distinct and singular origins that are consistent whether you're watching Mothra vs. Godzilla or Godzilla vs. Mothra.
This isn't without it's problems, of course. Since these are fictional worlds and characters we're dealing with, the end result is still going to obey the rules of the storyteller more than it will the laws of time. And that's fine. As I've said again and again continuity doesn't work the same way in Godzilla movies as it does in western or hollywood films. What YOU think is important between films the producers and writers couldn't possibly give less of a shit about. You can't hold this stuff up to the same criteria that you do Star Trek EU Junior Novels. Call it a difference in our cultures if you must, but I've honestly never had a problem with it myself, it seems to be... well, it seems to just be people who are kinda... well... you know, dumb. These films are pieces of art, and they should be given artistic license.
Still, the kinks to work out aren't anywhere near as complicated as you might expect, and it turns out that by a pretty surprising margin the Toho Multiverse really is pretty consistent throughout all of their varied incarnations.
So what I want to do with this new sub-series of my Godzilla Continuity articles is go over some relevant topics (for now I want to cover the "big four" headlining monsters Godzilla, Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah) and look at what the commonalities are, what the "ur" position of the topic was, and how and why it changed in each successive timeline reboot.
Stay tuned for part 1: Godzilla.
No comments:
Post a Comment