Top 10 Dinosaur Discoveries from the last couple of years

I was poking around and seeing how much of that cladogram I got right, and I ran into my old friend Panphagia. No one bothered to tell me, but he's a Guaibasaurid now. Really. Plus, Guaibasaurids are actually Sauropodomorphs now. Go figure. So, I got that part wrong, but then I didn't know until now, so I can't really count it out if it wasn't part of my memory to begin with.

So it got me thinking about some of the really awesome shit we've found in the past few years. I started seriously researching dinosaurs since the last few years of high school, around 2004-2005, and since then the newest discoveries have gotten straight to me, because I figured out where I should actually be going to get news about these sort of things. In the past, I never heard about Sinosauropteryx when they first found it, but I knew all about Giganotosaurus (which I called Gigantosaurus back then). So, this is a list of the stuff we've found out since I started paying attention, and therefore the times when the actual time of the discovery was just as memorable as the discovery itself.

Really, I'm waxing nostalgic for about six years ago, is whats happening here.

10. HAPLOCHEIRUS
When: 2010
Why: This one is pretty damn recent, but it already feels like a million years have passed since I was ripping my hair out trying to get a straight answer about what the hell Alvarezsaurs are. Turns out they're the most basal clade of maniraptorans. Cool, huh? Makes sense to me. So I sighed and moved on. Not to undermine it's importance, of course, it's just that the mystery is solved, and the whole point of resting easy is so you can get to the actual resting. So, I'm pretty over this now. But dang, thank god for this motherfucker. Am I right?

9. PANPHAGIA
When: 2009
Why: Like I said, Panphagia is a Guaibasaurid now, and Guaibasaurids are actually basal Sauropodomorphs, but instead of dimishing Panphagia's importance, it only makes it more interesting. I'll be honest, I don't really care about non-theropods. I mean, I try to pretend that they matter, but deep inside I know I'm not convincing anyone. They're all just so boring and ugly compared to even a Majungasaurus. Which is why I became so enamored with Panphagia. It was, by all accounts, a Sauropodomorph that wished it was a theropod. And I had it bad, I was fucking obsessed with this thing for months, I couldn't get it out of my head. It was like a bad love song, and everywhere I looked I saw Panphagia's head on a crow's body. Nevermind that he was probably a generalist, he had the ABILITY to be a carnivore, and I find it hard to believe he didn't take advantage of that when there were no Coelophysids around. I also think it's just genuinely cool looking, although you wouldn't know that to see some of the chupacabra-like mangy drawings around the internet (thanks to that thing Tianyulong changed, what was it called? Oh yeah, everything.).

And now with the Guaibasaurid thing? That's beyond cool. The reason this conclusion was reached, Chromogisaurus, who is just another Guaibasaurid, is also beyond cool. I mean, he doesn't make the list, but just for letting me say "just another Guaibasaurid" like I'm some super badass motherfucker from the future where we already have all this bullshit figured out, and you can buy designer pet Guaibasaurid clones from the Wal-Mart on your way to work, and we know about the plumage of every dinosaur that's ever lived, is pretty cool.

I mean, let's face it, I may be the only person on the planet besides the two jack offs that named this clade that actually knows what the fuck a "Guaibasaurid" is, and it just so happens to include my second favorite Sauropodomorph of all time (the first comes later). Plus, they are quite clearly killers, even more clearly now than they were before, only now instead of being "basal Saurischian" killers, they are full on Sauropodomorph killers.

Learn more about Guaibasaurids at your local library. Just kidding. You're not going to learn anything there.

8. TAWA
When: 2009
Why: Of course you already know how I feel about this. No matter what a few idiots say, though, Tawa is still the first Theropod. This also marks the first time a paleontologist gives a story to the papers that involves Herrerasaurs as one of the reasons why it qualifies as headline news. And then the wierd part is that those papers agreed, and started talking about how cool it is that there is finally some sort of idea of how they are related to Theropods. The how part was wrong, but whatever. Same as Panphagia, really, but this one is a theropod, so it's much more important.

7. LIMUSAURUS
When: 2009
Why: The fingers. Actually, I'll be honest, I don't give a damn about the fingers, but I do remember feeling like it was truly the future because of them. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, Limusaurus should be famous among lunatics and religious people as being the final nail in the coffin for their precious "dinosaurs are extinct" nonsense. The thing was the only "loose end" (it wasn't actually a loose end) in tying up (tee hee) the whole bird thing was the fingers on the hands. In living dinosaurs, developing embryos can be observed, and we can tell that the three fingers on a chicken (and the other living dinosaurs that still have arms) were digits II, III, and IV. We can't see fossils develop, so some had assumed without any evidence whatsoever that the remaining fingers on non-bird theropods (which means nothing, by the way) were I, II, and III. Of course, they were wrong, and no one payed attention to them because these are the sorts of things that crazy people say. If this sounds familiar, it should, because most things people think about extinct clades of dinosaurs are the complete opposite of true, and there is no evidence to support them, but it still takes decades of piling evidence to convince people that the truth is true, and made up bullshit is not. Example: people actually used to think that dinosaurs were cold blooded. No, I'm not lying, this really did happen. Like a snake. No, really. I'm not kidding. Like a fucking snake.

I actually still have a book or two that actually mention the "finger thing." In each, it is mentioned briefly and then dismissed because it just sounds so fucking stupid, and there is no evidence that non-bird dinosaurs (again, means nothing) had digits I, II, and III instead of II, III, and IV. One of these is an ornithology book, and those people are as stupid as a retarded rock from a country with a poor education system who is made fun of by the whole school for being so stupid. Also, Sibley & Alqhuist (or however you spell those fucking stupid names), who are even stupider than that, and single handedly set back dinosaur cladistics several decades with their stupid Ciconiiform antics. So, to reiterate, stupid.

So thats it. Birds (whatever the hell thats supposed to mean) are dinosaurs, which isn't news, and even the normally sensationalistic and ignorant journalists were finding it hard to care about Limusaurus.

But Limusaurus is remarkable for far more than just the stupid finger thing. First of all, he's a herbivore. Not a big deal yet. He's from the late Jurassic. "Okay," you think, "but we know plenty seed-eaters and pre-seed-eater-like paravians, and we know ornithomimosaurs had to have been present then, so whats this all about then?" He's a Ceratosaur. Yeah. The ones with the wiggly tails? Limusaurus is a beaked, toothless herbivore with a diminished I and V digit and a big ol' wiggly tail. You'd be forgiven for thinking it WAS an ornithomimosaur until you saw that wiggly tail. Whats more, he is one of the most basal Ceratosaurs ever found, meaning that hebivorous Ceratosaurs are actually pretty far branching. So, what I'm really trying to say is that everything we knew about Ceratosaurs was wrong, which is pretty damn cool.

6. MICRORAPTOR
When: ~2000
Why: Easily the oldest one on this list, so old, in fact, that all this controversy skipped by me entirely. I became aware of Microraptor in 2003-2004 after all the whatever had died down and it was time to really pay attention to what made Microraptor so special: four wings. So cool. Microraptor changed how we understand the plumage of basal paravians forever, and it is pretty well recieved at this point. I remember when it was still new, I would get all pissy all the time because Microraptor had changed everything, and I wasn't seeing that change happen, and it confused and angered me. This was simultaneously my first experience with both the speed of paleontology and the density of everyone else. It was extremely obvious, back in the summer of '04, that four wings are a paravian, and not a Microraptor trait. I knew this, and yet I would still see these wierd-looking mangy monsters on tv that were supposed to be raptors. I kept checking the "info" button, but it assured me that the reconstruction was done that year.

My favorite story about Microraptor though has got to be the time I saw a documentary about how it flew. It was from shortly after I graduated high school, and I was watching alot of history channel. These guys actually made a Microraptor puppet and placed it inside a wind tunnel to see how aerodynamic the old school "sprawling" leg shape actually was. Not only was this move physically impossible without the dinosaur dislocating both of it's legs, but it simply didn't give enough lift. The shape they discoved that did, of course, is that wonderful biplane shape that we are all so familiar with. This resonated with me because it was around 2005 or 2006, which, taken with my other estimates, means it had been around two or three years since Microraptor became known to me and the rest of the world that don't care about hoaxes, and at most six years since it was discovered period. This dinosaur started as a hoax, withing three of four years revolutionized the way we will think about paraves from now on, and a few years later we had a complete picture of how it actually flew which was the same time it's signifigance started to sink in with the general public. This, to me, perfectly illustrates the time ratios between the different knowledge bases.

Before Microraptor became Microraptor, there was a show called The Future is Wild that showed various possible futures in a manner similar to Dougal Dixon's After Man. Actually, it was kind of an unofficial sequel, and Dougal even wrote the book. In a possible biosphere from 100 million years in the future, we meet a creature called the Great Blue Windrunner, a large flying dinosaur that lives up on the Great Plateau, a mountain range created by Australia's impact with mainland Asia. GBW's are related to cranes, have feathers that reflect UV rays, and have four wings. They fly using the outdated "sprawling" technique. So, in the time that Microraptor was discovered, four wings was considered a futuristic trait of the "I know it sounds crazy, but it IS one possible future" variety. In other words, way out there but just enough to look plausible. It was great because we hit the nail right on the head, but in the wrong direction.

Lastly, I want to say that I don't know or care what the controversy about Microraptor was. It isn't important. What is important is that Microraptor changed everything in a way that I feel safe saying that in this post-Tianyulong environment.

5. SINOSAUROPTERYX
When: 2010
Why: Sinosauropteryx was first found in 1996, which I first learned from this cool shirt I saw Phil Currie wearing this one time, but this was in a time when I wasn't paying very close attention to dinosaurs. Rather, Godzilla had just died for the first time in my life, and I was trying to figure out how to deal with that. I knew about what would become Zilla, and that whole thing, but thats another story all together. Dave, Dyzio, Sino, and the early oviraptorosaurs being discovered at the time totally went over my head. So, when I really started getting into dinosaurs, all of this had already been figured out, and it had been decided that Dyzio was featherless, and the origin of feathers is actually at the base of Coelurosaurs, which would mean Tyrannosaurs had feathers, but we didn't get a confirmation on that until 2004. Of course, like I will have inscribed on my fucking tombstone, Tianyulong changed everything. But thats for later.

What I'm of course talking about is the discovery of what color Sinosauropteryx is. Turns out it was orange with white stripes on the tail and a white underbelly. Do I need to elaborate on why this is so earth-shatteringly cool? I thought not.

I should also say that Dave being poisonous (maybe) and Dyzio being redeemed because Tianyulong fucking changed everything are close runner-ups, but those don't fit terribly well with the rest of the list. Dyzio still blows my mind though, because they found him the year after Sino, but he was a Dilophosaurus, which was too much for anyone at the time to handle. Way to kick some ass, Dyzio.

So we can do that now. We can get pigments (or whatever the hell they did) from particularly good feather impressions. We are so close to knowing everything it's almost scary.

4. Tune in next time, if I remember, because the next one is another Sauropodomorph! Can YOU guess what it could be? The excitement is almost too much...

I'm just tired of writing for now.

Tawa is a Jerk

Tawa. Four little letters that are simultaneously breathtaking and infuriating. What the heck is a Tawa you ask?

Yes, I know you didn't ask. If you did, you wouldn't have typed "Tawa" into the search bar. I love it for because no matter what other bullshit it caused, it will always be remembered by me for setting the "Coelophysid-Averostran" monophyly thing in stone, and that's nice, but it wasn't strictly necesary. I don't anyone really still though that Coelophysids were Ceratosaurs or anything stupid like that anymore.

Whats disturbing about it is the reactions real, honest-to-goodness, professional scientists are having to it.

So, Tawa is basal to both Coelophysids and Averostrans, forming a sort of sister group while still being recognizably Theropodan. The trick is it also holds on to some Herrerasaurid traits, traits that a) you'll have to go to tetrapod zoology or something similar to read about and b) decisively indicate that Herrerasaurs are close to the ancestry of Theropods, and must have occured after the Theropod-Sauropodomorph split, which then makes "Eusaurischia" paraphyletic and therefore not real except in magical Linnaen fantasy land.

I'm jumping straight to the point here because I already wrote something like this on my faceplace and because I assume if you searched for this you're already familiar with what I'm talking about. Tawa has been cited as suring up Herrerasaurids AS THEROPODS! This makes absolutely no sense to me, and I'm not going to pretend what the hell is wrong with some people just for the sake of argument.

First, the analogy: Remember when Pluto stopped being a planet? Didn't we all have a pretty curious reaction? Sure, anybody with a brain and an interest in the way the world actually works must maintain an objective viewpoint with all this science stuff, but saying Pluto was not a planet was a bit of a jolt to a lot of people. Funny thing is, it actually is still a planet.

You see, they redefined Pluto as part of a new category of celestial body called "dwarf planet," and said that they say is not a planet. For those of you who figured out the answer already, go ahead and skip this paragraph while the others catch up. The new category is a great idea in itself, because at the time countless numbers of little pluto-sized planets were being discoverd all over the solar system, so it seemed that Pluto is not an odd man out, but just a member of a different type of family, which makes perfect sense. "Dwarf Planet" is a perfect name for object like Pluto, as well as Sedna and Ceres, because that's what they are... small rocky planets that formed under similar conditions. Nothing wrong here, all the work is sound... so how do we get from Pluto being a new class of celestial body to it being legal to own dwarf people as slaves, being that they are no longer considered people? Who's job was it to proof read this stuff? Still don't get it? Here's the answer: a dwarf PLANET is still a PLANET, because the word DWARF does not negate the following word. If Pluto was a NON planet or ANTI planet, it would not be a planet. But Pluto is a DWARF... PLANET... a small planet that is now part of a special class, just a GAS GIANT, which doesn't eve have PLANET in the name. And nobody is saying Saturn isn't a planet are they?

So that's the situation with Tawa. Maybe some of you haven't figured out why calling Herrerasaurs "theropods" is a pretty stupid idea yet. That's okay, I'm going to illustrate it for you.

This is a cladogram of the relationships between Saurischians before we found Tawa. It features the now known to be paraphyletic "Eusaurichia." Notice the position of THEROPODA and Herrerasaurids:

SAURISCHIA
|--Herrerasaurids
`--Eusaurischia (I bet Eoraptor goes here)
   |--+--?Guaibasaurids
   |  `--Sauropodomorphs
   `--THEROPODA
      |--Coelophysids
      `--Averostrans
         |--Ceratosaurs
         `--Tetanurines

So, I'm not certain on where Guaibasaurids were supposed to fit, since I heard they were closer to both Theropods and Sauropodomorphs. Just for shits and craps, I'm putting them up with Panphagia. Pay close attention to the organization of Theropoda, so you can see just how much turmoil Tawa has thrown it into... truly it must be heinous. Here is the family tree after Tawa:

SAURISCHIA
|--+--?Guaibasaurids
|  `--Sauropodomorphs
`--THEROPODA

   |--Herrerasaurids

   `--+--Tawa hallae
      `--Neotheropoda
         |--Coelophysids
         `--Averostrans
            |--Ceratosaurs
            `--Tetanurines

Do you see it? Do you see the unruly state of affairs that the Theropods have been reduced to? 'Cause I sure as hell don't. So right away there's the obvious fact that nothing actually changed within Theropoda. It's now called "Neotheropoda" for no good reason. Go back and look at the other cladogram, go ahead and scroll back up, I'll wait. You see the yellow text? It's the same isn't it? Yeah, it is.

Now i'm going to introduce my new cladogram, based on a bunch of heresay and subjective nonsense that has no real basis in reality. Surely, this table is is amatuerish at best:

SAURISCHIA

|--+--?Guaibasaurids
|  `--Sauropodomorphs
`--+--Herrerasaurids
   `--THEROPODA
      |--Tawa hallae
      `--Neotheropoda
         |--Coelophysids
         `--Averostrans
            |--Ceratosaurs
            `--Tetanurines

The joke here is that, of course, this isn't my amatuerish cladogram, it's the same one as above, but proof-read. I moved the word THEROPODA to it's original position, included Tawa because I can see the kink in the jaw from where I'm sitting, and just to be nice, I even kept the "Neotheropoda" part.

The moral of that: Tawa didn't change anything within the cladistic structure of Theropoda, it only reaffirms the monophyly of the whole "Coelophysid-Averostran" set-up. It DOES INDEED move Herrerasaurs into a position close to Theropods, but it does not MAKE Herrerasaurids Theropods.

Let me repeat that: Tawa is a Theropod that retains traits from the last common ancestor of Herrerasaurids and Theropods, but DOES NOT place Herrerasaurids within the pre-established and recently strengthened monophyletic "Coelophysid-Averostran" Theropoda.

There is no need to say Herrerasaurids are Theropods. Turns out a lot of our old ideas about the placement of Herrerasaurids was indeed not the case, but our understanding of what is and isn't a Theropod actually looks clearer now. So there's too more things I need to address: 1) Why can't we move Theropoda to cover Herrerasaurids anyways, and 2) What makes a Theropod a Theropod anywhichways?

1. Herrerasaurids as Theropods is far from a new idea. Idiots have always argued for their inclusion. Does that sound harsh? Take a look at the facts: the ancestor of all dinosaurs was obviously a carnivore, probably an omnivore but let's not bet on it. Therefore, all basal saurischians closer to Coelophysis than Panphagia should have been carnivorous as well. So, a small meat eating dinosaur from the late Triassic could be almost anything. So meat eater does not equal Theropod.

Now, like the Pluto thing, Theropods are a personal issue for me, so I have a hard time being objective about these things. That said, the more radical the idea, the easier it is to be openly biased. I agree that outwordly, Herrerasaurus does look like a Theropod, but that isn't enough for me to except him as a relative to something like Tyrannosaurus or Aquila. Theropods are special for a reason, a whole slew of physiological reasons that some primitive saurischian just can't compete with.

So, I can back up my personal feelings in this case because Theropods really are very different than other dinosaurs, I could say better too, but then that's crossing the line.

2. Quick, name one thing only Theropods have and all Theropods have. It's okay if only very specialized forms that no one debates are Theropods don't fit, I'm looking for something clearly identifiable in Coelophysis and 90% of it's descendents, but NOT in any other animal.
Give up?
Well, the answer I was looking for was a wishbone or furcula. I've never heard of any other animal having a true wishbone. I have heard that Massopondylus (and I guess all Massospondylids?) have something LIKE a furcula gained from convergent evolution, but that's about it.

And that was the last nail in the coffin for me. According to Tom Holtz, who I'm going to totally trust on this because I can't find any other source on the matter, no known Herrerasaurids have been shown to possess a furcula. So, they can't be Theropods. It's all really very simple.

I am pretty stubborn about this, sure, but I've got a damn good reason. The case for Herrerasaurids being Theropods is valid ONLY when you find a Herrerasaurid with a wishbone. I except the conclusion that they are closely related, so don't bite me, Tawa.

I think I've already beaten this to death, but the real moral here is that scientists need to proof-read and stop missing such obvious crap. It's irritating when you hold someone's logical reasoning ability to such high esteem only to find out that they didn't realize calling something a dwarf planet does not mean it isn't a planet.

Also would someone please write a god damn Averostra article on wikipedia? It's 2010 now, this shit is getting ridiculous.