Elephant... Rule? I guess?

Sorry, I couldn't bring myself to just use one of the same two pictures floating around. So here's the big purple tyrannosaur.

I was watching this SNL episode the other day when update came on, and Seth Myers said something about the "largest feathered animal" next to a picture of what looked like an orange Dilong. I was like "neat, another feathered tyrannosaur. THAT'S interesting enough to make weekend update." I don't remember the joke either, because it wasn't very good, or because drunk uncle was so good the rest of update seemed like a waste of time by comparison.

Just today, I got the urge to look it up (which made me remember how pissy I get when a new extinct dinosaur makes the news and everyone describes it in what I like to call "retard language," and conveniently forget that the animal actually has a fucking NAME), and it took a while for it to register, but I'm now realizing that, at something like 9 meters long, this MIGHT actually be a big deal. I think.

Let me take you back in time, back before Tianyulong. The world was a very different place. People lived in sin and shunned the sun, dangerous mutants roamed the land in droves and science was no more sophisticated than banging two sticks together. These were truly the dark ages, when it wasn't immediately apparent that Ornithischian "quills" and Theropod feathers had a common source.

Back then, people still ran around like a chicken with its head cut off every time they found feather impressions in the extremely detailed Chinese rocks that I believe have to do with lakes and mud or something... well, I'm not an armchair geologist, you know.

Anwyas, so Dyzio is regarded as some bullshit about... I don't even remember, it's bullshit, though. "Feathered dinosaurs" isn't redundant yet, and generally the only dinosaurs that people admit to having feathers are the ones from China with impressions of them, because I guess logic is optional in cases like these. And I'm talking about the time when feathers weren't just limited in known specimens, but obviously in range. Maybe this will be a surprise to some of you, but maniraptorans are MOST dinosaurs by an overwhelming majority. The fact that all the little tropical feathered specimens from Cretaceous China happen to be... except for maybe one or two (and remember we're in a time machine, so they haven't found Guanlong yet) all maniraptorans shouldn't surprise anyone. Most folks interpreted this to mean only Coelurosaurs have ever had any kind of feathers (we knew about pycnofibres, but, again, the world before Tianyulong was a scary, dark place where nightmares live).

On top of that, all of the feathered dinosaurs at this point weren't very big. Maybe like 2 meters long for some of the raptors, but that's it. Because of this kind of attitude where, instead of interpreting this information to mean that a lot of different lineages of dinosaurs had feathers, they interpret whatever specific dinosaurs they find with feather impressions on to have feathers, and every thing else to be some sort of Jurassic Park-mutant-chupacabra-abomination-from-hell. Naturally. It was around this time I became aware that, aside from the more logical "we haven't found feathers on a carnosaur (remember, Dyzio doesn't count for contrived reasons), so only dinosaurs from the base of the earliest fuzzy one should have feathers (coelurosaurs)" there was what I like to call the "Elephant Rule."

See, in our post-Tianyulong age of enlightenment with free podphones for everyone where you can download your mother over a D6 FTL ADSFASDFGADF connection, it seems obvious that, in an environment where mostly the smaller, more delicate animals survived and/or attract attention, clearly that doesn't mean that ONLY animals of a certain size have feathers. But back then, there was this idea that, like Elephants aren't particularly hairy animals, feathers have a purpose in heat regulation, and above a certain size they aren't really necessary. Fair enough. Only, mammals aren't dinosaurs. It sort of makes sense, but a Loxodonta is only like 2 meters tall, maybe 3, and there are living dinosaurs that big that are covered in all kinds of feathers. Still, the notion that there is a size threshold where feathers stop serving any purpose and perhaps risk the danger of overheating has been something a lot of folks are expected to assume for the good of the country.

You might be able to tell that I never really liked that idea. Fast forward to our utopian post-Tianyulong society with hive-minds and floatr and mammoth-cloning and here I am looking for why no one has come forward about feathered sauropods. Logic dictates the earliest sauropodomorphs, at the very least, MUST have had some sort of hollow integument roughly analogous to pycnofibres, proto-feathers, and ornithischian quills. But alas, where are the fuzzy Panphagias? Even I sort of have to admit, as an endotherm myself, that at a certain point being fuzzy is a death sentence, especially in the Cretaceous, but what IS the limit? The sky? If you ask me, that's kinda too lame, but I suppose a fuzzy Amphicoelias MIGHT be a little out-there.

But then comes along Yutyrannus, at 9 meters long, which is the biggest fuck you to the elephant rule I've ever seen. Motherfucker isn't even "just some quills on the arm" ala Concavenator, he's straight up a giant Dilong.

So, all of that was basically to reflect on this:
0.7m - Tianyulong (Jesus allegory) & Sinosauropteryx (orange compsognathid)
0.9m - Sinornithosaurus (Dave)
1.6m - Dilong (first fuzzy tyrannosaur)
2m - Argentavis (~8m wingspan), Psittacosaurus, Velociraptor
2.2m - Beipiaosaurus (therizinosaur)
3m - Guanlong (second fuzzy tyrannosaur)
3.6m - Dinornis (largest moa)
6m - Concavenator (only arm quills?), Dilophosaurus (Dyzio is beyond fuzzy)
9m - Triceratops (only tail quills? [yes, there are skin impressions for the rest]), Yutyrannus (beyond fuzzy)

So the only trend I can see here is that Ornithischian quills don't really follow the same rules as straight-up Theropod feathers. Other than that, it seems weird that a 9 meter long tyrannosaur is completely fuzzy while the 6 meter long Concavenator "only" has arm quills. In fact, I don't believe that in the slightest. Doesn't it make more sense to say that all they saw of an integument where the scaled belly and feet, and the quill nobs, and then took a exclusionary attitude and said that's all there is, rather than using deductive reasoning and saying "hey, carnosaurs had feathers too... maybe we should check out Dyzio again."

Meanwhile, a chinese tyrannosaur turns up, and nobody questions it... double standard, or hypocritical? You decide.

Anwyas, the point here was to just look at the "elephant rule" and what evidence there is to support it that I know of. So far, what we know about endotherms (me included) says that at some point a heavy coat is going to boil you alive, and that dinosaurs aren't mammals, so we can't expect it to work exactly the same, and so far we have not found a definitive limit for theropods, although it seems like Triceratops really is the elephant rule for ornithischians. That said, I don't REALLY expect advanced thyreophorans under 9 meters long to be particularly fuzzy, but you get the idea.

Feathers: I could have told you this stuff years ago.

Next up: Did Amphicoelias have advanced flight feathers? Inquiring minds want to know!

Godzilla Continuity part 8: The branches of the heisei tree

HE'S FROM THE FUTURE WHERE THE PAST NEVER HAPPENED!

So, after I posted that part about millennium continuity, I went back and started reading the previous parts.

Weeeeellllll...

I made some mistakes. I also noticed that I never elaborated on the actually splitting of the showa-heisei split timeline. I want to address that now. I'm going to start by giving a brief rundown of the relevant events that carry over into the heisei timeline, but start from the Showa one, and then work our way through each of the branching series of events.

-12,000: Mothra and the civilization that worships them are present in some form
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, Lagos, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Minilla's egg layed here. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there.
1955: Godzilla Raids Again
1962: Godzilla vs. King Kong
1964: Godzilla vs. Mothra, Ghidorah the Three Headed Monster
1965: Godzilla vs. Monster Zero
1966: Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster
1967: Son of Godzilla - mutations of already gigantic mantises, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time. Minilla's egg emits a magnetic field to call it's parents, and hatches 13 years later.
1971: Godzilla vs. Hedorah
1972: Godzilla vs. Gigan
197X: Godzilla vs. Megalon
1973: Zone Fighter
1974: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla
1975: Terror of Mechagodzilla
1999: Destroy All Monsters (present here are Baragon, Manda, Gorosaurus, and Varan, who have origins not connected to Godzilla)

Put simply, that's the showa timeline, now let's look at Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah. That movie shows us that the timeline diverged in 1944, and, for the sake of Final Wars, it's better to assume that in most cases that's the only divergence, as some events will need to carry over for lack of any other explanation. However, instead of just going and putting up the whole heisei timeline, let's do something else.

Remember that cause happens before an effect. Arrow of time and all that. The future that Emi, M-1, and the racist Americans come from is NOT the future that follows the end of Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah. How the hell could it be? The events of the film are a result of the future presented at the end of Godzilla vs. Biollante, and Emi even tells us as much in the movie.

I realize some people have a really hard time thinking this way, so i'm gonna break it down as much as I can.

See, the Futurians are going back in time to alter the past, creating a new timeline where they replace Godzilla with a monster they can control. This means that, in future they leave to come back to 1992 in, everything that has already happened still happened (or else they couldn't time travel to it), and that their monster, King Ghidorah, has not yet been created.

However, we've got a bit of a snag here and the blame falls squarely on Omori's sloppy writing: if it's the timeline they went back into to change, it should mean that the Lagos Godzillasaurus has not yet been teleported, and they should be in the showa future, and not the heisei one.

There's still a way around this. Causes always happen before their affects. 1944 happens earlier than 1992. Go ahead and look it up, it's true. So one could easily say that by traveling back to 1992, their actions in 1944 already happened. But then they would still already have needed to happen for Emi's future to even exist, so it's still not a real explanation.

At any rate, here's what the timeline Emi originally came from looked like, direct changes in red.


-12,000: Mothra thwarts an invasion by Xiliens and Gigan, but dies in a drawed battle against Battra.
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet. Emi, Miki, M-1, and others come back from 1992 and teleport the dinosaur to the bottom of the Bering Sea, where it stays in suspended animation.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there.
1967: Gigantic mantises left untouched by humans, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time.
1974: Okinawa's stone guardian sleeps through an uneventful year.
1978: Russian nuclear sub sinks in the Bering Sea, mutating the second Godzilla.
1984: A volcanic eruption awakes the second Godzilla, Return of Godzilla
1989: Godzilla vs. Biollante - Godzilla never recovers from the A.N.E.B. and presumably dies
1990's: Without Godzilla around, and having invented a render nuclear weapons useless, Japan experiences an unprecedented economic boom, and in the decades to come, becomes the richest nation of Earth.
2032: Xiliens plan conquest of Earth with a monster army possibly including Anguirus, Manda, Zilla, Hedorah, Gigan, Ebirah, Kamacuras, and Kumonga. Mothra may have helped humanity. Keizer Ghidorah is their trump card, but the advanced technology of the future is able to thwart the aliens. Keizer Ghidorah's cells, and M base, are used to create telepathic, genetically engineered designer pets called Dorats.
2204: Eco-terrorist group E.U.O. steals the MOTHER time machine and loads up with three dorats, planning on sending them back in place of Godzilla to create a monster that can me controlled.

Yes, I added stuff. Thing is, though, i'm trying to fill in holes with things that make logical sense. Keep in mind that an altered final war scenario where Mothra and the Gotengo take down Keizer Ghidorah without Godzilla isn't canon or anything, but it would be a cool fanfic :P So yeah, lots of that are just fanwank designed to make the timelines more coterminous with each other.

So, the plan to erase Godzilla is a massive failure, and the futurians are actually responsible for creating the heisei Godzilla in the first place. Go figure. Their presence and the creation of King Ghidorah creates a new series of events, where Godzilla is purposefully revived to combat King Ghidorah. In this timeline, Godzilla is completely indestructable with current technology, and the future that Emi returns to in order to build Mecha-King Ghidorah is NOT the one she originally left. In this timeline, Glenchiko's bullshit story about Godzilla completely destroying Japan in his original hometime actually does happen. Let's look at what went down, with changes in blue this time:


-12,000: Mothra thwarts an invasion by Xiliens and Gigan, but dies in a drawed battle against Battra.
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet. Emi, Miki, M-1, and others come back from 1992 and teleport the dinosaur to the bottom of the Bering Sea, where it stays in suspended animation. In it's place Emi lets three Dorats free.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there. The Dorats fuse together and mutant into the significantly larger King Ghidorah, possibly as a result of the M base, but due to the peaceful nature of Dorats, it remains dormant for nearly 40 years.
1967: Gigantic mantises left untouched by humans, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time.
1974: Okinawa's stone guardian sleeps through an uneventful year.
1978: Russian nuclear sub sinks in the Bering Sea, mutating the second Godzilla.
1984: A volcanic eruption awakes the second Godzilla, Return of Godzilla
1989: Godzilla vs. Biollante
1992: Futurians from 2204 arrive with a plan to erase Godzilla from history. It turns out to be a trick to place King Ghidorah into the timeline and destroy Japan before it becomes too strong and mass produces the ANEB that crippled efforts to create a monster in their own time. However, Colonel Shindo, a survivor from the 1944 incident, revives Godzilla with a modern nuclear sub, increasing Godzilla's size and power allowing him to completely destroy King Ghidorah.
late 1990's: Godzilla has become far too powerful for any force on Earth to stop, and proceeds to turn all of Japan into a nuclear wasteland devoid of all life except some Shokilas and Godzilla himself.
2032: Xiliens plan conquest of Earth but Godzilla is just WAAAAAY too fucking much for them to handle. Keizer Ghidorah manages to die a quick and agonizing death. It's possible Godzilla had a meltdown at this point. Keizer Ghidorah's cells, and M base, are used to create telepathic, genetically engineered designer pets called Dorats.
2204: Emi time travels from 1992, asking to use the corpse of King Ghidorah to create a cyborg and send it back to 1992 in order to stop Godzilla from completely destroying all of Japan. She is successful, and Mecha-King Ghidorah time travels from here back to 1992.

So, I mentioned Godzilla's possible meltdown because fighting Keizer Ghidorah is a good place to do it, and Keizer Ghidorah HAS to die, and we know that in the 2204 where MKG is built, Godzilla has not been lauded as a hero or anything, so thwarting an alien invasion would need to be eclipsed by a direct consequence which does far greater damage.

So, finally MKG gets back to 1992, and manages to stop Godzilla and create a new timeline where Japan has access to fancy future tech. yay! This is the showa timeline proper, and it looks something like this (changes in green):


-12,000: Mothra thwarts an invasion by Xiliens and Gigan, but dies in a drawed battle against Battra.
1944: The Lagos Island Godzillasaurus saves a Japanese Garrison from an American naval fleet. Emi, Miki, M-1, and others come back from 1992 and teleport the dinosaur to the bottom of the Bering Sea, where it stays in suspended animation. In it's place Emi lets three Dorats free.
1954: Godzilla - confirmed mutation of Odo, and a female Godzillasaurus. Odo Godzilla is killed by oxygen destroyer. Angilosaurus on Iwato Island also affected. Adonoa Island's Pterasaur population is also affected, but in a mostly detrimental way. The last clutch of unmutated Godzillasaurus eggs were also laid there. The Dorats fuse together and mutant into the significantly larger King Ghidorah, possibly as a result of the M base, but due to the peaceful nature of Dorats, it remains dormant for nearly 40 years.
1967: Gigantic mantises left untouched by humans, Kumonga has been living on Solgell all this time.
1974: Okinawa's stone guardian sleeps through an uneventful year.
1978: Russian nuclear sub sinks in the Bering Sea, mutating the second Godzilla.
1984: A volcanic eruption awakes the second Godzilla, Return of Godzilla
1989: Godzilla vs. Biollante
1992: Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah
1993: Godzilla and Mothra
1994: Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II - Investigation on Adonoa Island yeilds an unmutated Godzillasaurus egg and draws the ire of one of (if there were more than one) the Rodans living there, who were not aware the egg is a nest parasite. The egg is the current Godzilla's second cousin.
1995: Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla
1996: Godzilla vs. Destroyah - Godzilla Jr. becomes the third Godzilla.
1997: Godzilla has a south seas adventure, meeting Anguirus and either a reconstituted or second Rodan, and the female Godzilla, with which he lays Minilla's egg.
1998: Okinawa is defended from Godzilla, who is clearly not as peaceful as he was when he was younger.
1999: The Gotengo is built and has a decisive battle with Godzilla, finally sealing the monster away in Antarctica.
2032: Godzilla: Final Wars - Keizer Ghidorah's cells, and M base, are used to create telepathic, genetically engineered designer pets called Dorats.
2204: Unknown, but this is the future Emi returns to after dropping Mecha-King Ghidorah in the past. There may not even be an E.U.O. in this future.


So that's that. The ever changing face of the heisei branching timeline. There was much unconfirmed guessing included, but it was only there to make events seem more hinged on the actions of the time travelers. I have no idea how the heisei Kumonga or Anguirus actually came to be, but these are my best guesses. I covered my attitude about this in the part dealing specifically with the ramifications of GFW on the rest of the heisei timeline.

Ok, that's all, bye. =/

Let's Play Internet Roulette Page 2

Before we begin, I want to say that there are two things I don't know how to do:
1. Make the main page cut off the blogs at a certain point so that it doesn't show 7 ENTIRE posts.
2. Make the whole blog not cut pictures of a certain size in half.


And with that, it's time for page 2!

Lets add our automatic 20 points and get going.

http://cyraptor.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-75898793?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=25 This guy rules SO HARD. +1

http://montygog.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-and-Fiends-61809296?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=26 this one is too cool. You could make the case that including King Kong is a crossover... you know, if you're stupid. +1

http://shinleejin.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-129174080?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=27 awesome pixelart. I'm gonna put this... on my face or something. Damn that's cool. +1

http://kaijusamurai.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-vs-The-Transformers-183183988?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=30 You know how we are supposed to SUBTRACT points for crossovers? No, that doesn't make any sense, does it? Well, since it's good, and since the negatives are cumulative, I'm only giving this -4. See, Matt Frank is excellent when he applies himself... to not being a tool.


http://wakabee.deviantart.com/art/godzilla-155677041?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=32 this is just stupid. =/


http://olivier2046.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-81140640?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=33 He's green, what the fuck? No points.

http://kaijusamurai.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-Wars-tattoo-design-151487011?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=34 More Matt. More GOOD Matt. +1

http://photoanimeblue.deviantart.com/art/godzilla-83263266?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=35 photography... that ISN'T pretentious? For sure +1.


http://lord-cottonball.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-66765155?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=37 This is one of those "bad" crossovers. -5


http://unlobogris.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-25236760?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=38 Not only does this not look like Godzilla, but it doesn't even look like a real dinosaur, which is what this guy was going for. For proof, look at his mutant vampire Therizinosaur: http://unlobogris.deviantart.com/art/Therizinosaurus-cheloniformis-20603109?q=gallery%3Aunlobogris%20randomize%3A1&qo=1


Now, I'm no Therizinosaur savant or anything... but, uh, I'm pretty sure they weren't vampires. Seriously, I can't get over how horrible that picture is.


http://channandeller.deviantart.com/art/GODZILLA-75993447?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=39 AAAAAAA!!!! I'M OVER IT I'M OVER IT!!! GET IT THE FUCK AWAY!!!


Now is a good time to bring up that all the bad stuff we're seeing is either:
1. a bad photoshop
2. a "revisioning" as if Godzilla were in a Spawn comic
3. a "revisioning" of a "realistic" Godzilla that looks like no other dinosaur that has ever existed (and we WILL be seeing more of that, trust me)
4. People who have never actually seen Godzilla, and apparently think he's green.


Not exactly Sonic-fandom level yet. Moving on.

http://leggedfish.deviantart.com/art/Starry-Godzilla-55557121?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=41 I REALLY like this one. Does it count as a crossover? Eh, it's sort of specified that there be a fandom for it to count in the original rules, so no. +1


http://hellraptor.deviantart.com/art/Godzilla-197734246?q=boost%3Apopular%20Godzilla&qo=47 *shudders* Godzilla eaten by a snake, I guess. Listen to the description: "i felt of doin Godzilla and this is the result, i reshaped his head, gave him stripes to make him little different than the original, i think he could look something like this in the 2012 reboot."


I can't even... what? You want the next GINO to look like that? This is why I say that Godzilla is dead, because THIS is the fandom now. It is completely unrecognizable to me. All bow before Guilala, the NEW God of Wa... I mean King of the Monsters.


Same difference, though, right?


Page 2 Total: 20 + 6 - 9 = 17


and we had... 27 points last time? So that's 44. We are less than the first time I did this because I'm not counting the neo stuff. It's competent, yes, but it belongs in the category of Spawn comics and... well, I don't need the help. We are only missing out on 7 points anyways.


Next page... uh... tomgirl Godzilla in love with Yongarry? Don't fucking bet on it.

Ruining Godzilla 29 a Full 2 Years Before Release

When I saw this poster, I squealed like a hysterical schoolgirl. For obvious reasons. It took a whole 5 minutes for me to go from "jonas brothers screaming" to "star wars nerd rage."

Remember Godzilla 29 and how cool it was going to be, and how it was totally going to be the movie Banno has been waiting to make for, like, 40 years? Yeah, well, guess what. Hollywood fucked it up already, and the film isn't due for another 2 years.

Yeah, I know, the poster looks so cool, and it was confirmed (like you NEED a confirmation) that Godzilla will be X-ing at least one other kaiju, but then they had to go and use the c-word.

So that's it then. Nevermind that Godzilla single handedly INVENTED special effects, or that CGI is a discredited trope that hasn't been used in a monster movie since... uh... Peter Jackson's King Kong (and we all know how THAT turned out...), or that the ability to use CGI as an enhancement to existing practical effects creating a whole new field of integrated technology that would have been Eiji Tsuburaya's dream come true and is responsible for some of the most gorgeous monster movies of all time (Silent Hill, GMM, AvP, any recent Werewolf movie, the new Gamera, etc.), and I guess it doesn't really matter that not only does the movie going audience despise the very idea of CGI characters in modern films, but the niche market a Godzilla film occupies hinges, uh... 100% of it's audience based on whether Godzilla is done practically or not, something that YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO ASK ABOUT!

This is non-negotiable. Fucking fix it or I walk on the franchise. I've been obsessed with Godzilla since I was 2, it was my one insane fanboy thing that I could really call my own, the one thing I got irrationally pissy about when the status quo was nudged a little (remember when they made King Ghidorah a good guy? Those were dangerous times to try and talk to me), and now I can't even have that.

Fuck you, Godzilla. Maybe it isn't too late to change my major. Looks like it's time to quit film school and drop the "armchair" from "armchair paleontologist."

Although, if Satsuma walks, then Godzilla himself is still cool, and we just have another GINO on our hands. That would be a very sad turn of events, but at least it means there is a better future to look forward too.

R.I.P. Godzilla (1954-2007)

P.S. It would be really nice of you to somehow rise from your grave just one more time, and get this "cgi" thing dealt with. Just sayin'.

Exciting announcements

Parabuteo: makes Deinonychus look bad. It can fucking fly.

This is my favorite song (the list)
1. Balaur
2. Sagittarius
3. PARABUTEO*
4. Corvus
5. Kelenken or Argentavis, depending on which day of the week it is

* pushes Corvus down and confuses K&A.

When this dinosaur became my favorite dinosaur, I wrote the list, it sat on top.
For weeks it pushed the others down, down.
But I never reached the bottom of that list.
And I would cry and cry, cause it had lied and lied...

I could literally transcribe Ariel Pink all day (it isn't ACTUALLY hard), but I want to cover this properly, so let me get a good intro going here:

The endless bloodlust earthlings seem to have never ceases to scare the shit out of me. I'm already scared to death of Owls (they need to fucking calm down, that is too much power for such a small animal), but now I'm just finding out that hawks have actually taken it much further.

Let's review: raptors today can fly. Cut and print, they've already won the contest. But wait, they are the BEST at flying. Also, talons. Okay, so basically you've got an animal that doesn't "hunt" anymore, but just sort of goes grocery shopping, and spends the rest of it's life soaring through skies.

And this sort of "I've already won, so I'm just complacent now" attitude is shared with, you know, us. Raptors (not a real thing, I know, but I still use it even though it does not include Cariamae) have done with evolution what we've done with technology, and there are no worries anymore. Understandably, the pack hunting styles that were so popular in the Mesozoic are now dropped in favor of a quiet, reflective lifestyle befitting hermits and poets.

And really, pack hunting is an effort to make up for vulnerability in a long term battle. Deinonychosaurs (except Balaur) are way to frail to put up an extended physical battle with a ceratopsian, so they run in huge groups and take a hit and run approach, dividing the attention of the prey and exponentially increasing the safety of any given individual. Golden Eagles need no such strategy, they simply drop goats off cliffs.

That's why when I heard Parabuteo is a pack hunting, I realized "overkill" doesn't quite get across how ridiculously overpowered these things are.

But at the same time this sort of irritates me (Irritator... heheh) because it makes me realize how little I know about living dinosaurs. I'm ALWAYS finding out shit like this, because they don't tell you this in the schools, you've got to learn it on the streets, man. Like the secretary bird, I'm well aware that birds (see that other post, I'm not doing that again) have the first toe turned into a "perching" sort of deal, but I had no idea that a dinosaur actually used that claw as a weapon. It's like a Bayonettasaurus or something, it's awesome. PLUS it can fly.

But anyways, back to Ariel (R-real). So, to conclude the cliffhanger of a previous post, I asked Ariel what the hell was up with the HG numbering thing.

So, he says that it was just a way to keep track of the albums, which proves my half-jesting claim that even Ariel can't keep track of all his stuff, and also that there was nothing "planned" about it. As far as he's concerned, he says, Before Today (shades... away!) is HG#1, not 9 (although he did say something about there being 9 hg's... so I guess he's counting Thrash & Burn + Pre? Or he lost count, most likely).

So that's that. I want to mention that being in the presence of the one true god is not nerve racking at all. I mean I was so nervous (let's get nervous... groan) that I wouldn't be able to handle it and I'd get embarassingly star struck or something, but after startling the crap out of me by magically showing at the merch stand with any fanfare, everything went fine. It's like he exudes good vibes (10 points for guessing that reference) or something.

And this is the sentiment across the board. It makes me wonder what it would have been like to meet David Bowie in the mid-70's or Ian Curtis in the late 70's, or Peter Murphy in the early 80's... or Boyd Rice ever. I've heard from alot of people that've met Boyd that he's great in person, but I can't imagine meeting Ian in person would be a... fun... experience. With his career essentially being four years of foreshadowing, it sounds kind of depressing. But, I wasn't there, so I don't know. I also have this idea that Dave is probably a prick in real life, but this is probably just a result of the glamorous image he had (has), and as we all know, divas are bitches.

Thinking about being in the same room as Peter Murphy makes my head explode, and in the early 80's... Well, it is probably more significant now than it would've been then. I mean, even knowing that something very important was happening, it would have been hard to guess exactly how far reaching he and what he started would become. It's 2010 now, and he's still the king.

Thats really the best way to describe APHG right now: it isn't clear exactly how much the world is going to change because of this, but being right here in the thick of it while it's happening (okay, so it's middle APHG, and I missed Doldrums when it was new, but still) is... just a completely unbelievable feeling. I just keep comparing it in my head to being a punk/goth in the late 70's.

But, so my birthday is Nov. 10, and here is the schedule for that month:

Nov. 5 - Friday - Ariel Pink's Haunted Grafitti in Dallas
Nov. 6 - Saturday - Austin Fun Fun Fun Fest, WaVVes at 3:30, and Ariel Pink right after them
Nov. 7 - Sunday - Come back to Houston, Ariel Pink (and Tim Koh too!) plays at Fitzgerald's
Nov. 8 - day off, depending on how things go I may be leaving for Dallas (again) on this day because...
Nov. 9 - Tuesday - Legendary Pink Dots in Dallas 2/3 or the pink triad isn't bad
Nov. 10 - Wednesday - my actually birthday. Maybe a party or something if I'm back in Houston then
Nov. 11 - Thursday - have to be back in Houston by now, probably get some sleep
Nov. 12 - Friday - Tim & Eric at warehouse live (where I saw Times New Viking)

Bad ass week, eh? How do I pull this off? I haven't worked everything out in my head yet, but I have some ideas and contingency plans. If nothing else, I HAVE to see Ariel at all three texas dates.

I mean, you don't understand. I HAVE to see Ariel Pink. It's the law. The law of the pinkhead.

What else can I ramble on about?

- on Monday, the coming one (two days from now), I'll meet up at the commons with three other guys after cutting out of acting early and we'll try to figure out why we are there.
- My keyboard might have kicked it, and I'm trying not to think about it. If that asshole acting teacher screws with me again, I'm going all method with this little bit.
- I might be doing more Mr. Shmolen on Tuesday. I'm still having technical problems editing the existing footage.
- DOOM 4 didn't show at QuakeCon this year, so jokes on you, assholes.
- You know how they're playing that old Cake song on that one commercial? I've been inspired to make that outfit happen, but the "long jacket" jacket part of the equation sort of requires it to be cold. So, I might need to come up with another way to do it. Pictures will happen if I'm around a camera.
- Increased activity on social networking sites DOES NOT mean I am officially social networking. I just don't have the ability to concentrate on these little things for extended periods of time, and I'm not going to pretend I can. I could disappear for months in the blink of an eye, because real life (the objective reality kind) is much more interesting.
- Kevin made a book, and now it's selling in the actual bookstore. Did I mention I'm the best writer in the state at the very least? Yeah, he should expect some competition coming soon.
- I'm soooooooooo bored... (la, la la-la la)
- Of all the things I started I would actually like to write out my ideas for an Eddie based Silent Hill and a treatment of my own original idea. If I get around to it.
- On Ramona Gonzalez: I think I have a chance with this girl (oh, wait, she lives in Stupid-ifornia, so fuck it).
- We need pictures.

Francis Bacon painting from 1946... I hope. Does this look familiar? It should. God lives in this painting. True story. You know how even though the face changes, God's body always looks the same? This is where Masahiro got it from.

I can not tell you how many times I've tried to come up with a way to make this work. There are a few unimpressive efforts on the (very specialized) market, but none of them have what I'm really wanting to happen: not heel to flats, but 4" to 5"... to 6". Actually adjucting the height, not removing it. These look really cool though.

Silent Hill again? This is the album cover for the SH4 OST. Fun facts, that monster is quite obviously Conjurer, but do you notice the Sniffer Dogs? And how about those dead bodies? There are 21. Killing Machine is in there, and you can tell that's supposed to be Eileen. Super stylish.

A Space Jockey Alien. It is completely possible for the Jockey Alien to still be alive in the film timeline, as it wouldn't have died in the crash, and there were no other occupants around to kill it. I love that it's so fucking huge, but it doesn't make sense that there isn't a trunk. Of course, Alien 0rigins is bound to fix this. Oh yeah, and I'm already unhappy with the decision to let a director do two alien movies, as it breaks tradition, but as long as I get to see a Jockey Alien, it'll all be cool.

Minilla grows up. Proof that Minilla is not a natural Godzillsaurus, but rather born to already mutated Godzilla parents. That means that in the Heisei timeline, there are at least FOUR Godzillas: GI, GII, Junior, and the female Godzilla which has to exist in order for Minilla to exist in 2032. Yes, this is real concept art.

Bit of a spoiler. This is Mira as seen by Eddie, in his very own, special, non-canon "Dog" ending. The cannon ending, of course, is the UFO one.

Mabus, the third antichrist. Nostradamus is hilarious on his own, but combine him with crazy people and you get a never ending (sodaaaa... woah-o-woah...) source of entertainment. Everyone knows about Hister, but did you know how they got the first antichrist? They took Nay, Pau, and Loron, the names of three french towns, and decided that it was an anagram for NAPAULON ROY. Which, by the way, isn't "Napoleon," but close enough is spot on for these people.

*sigh* Fun fact: Mana not only collects creepy dolls for photo-shoots, but also was a pioneering Hauntologist back in the late 90's. Yep, back then Mana and Julian House used to get together on the weekends and play Atari and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. One thing lead to another... and that's how the Gamecube was concieved. I'm joking, of course, Julian doesn't drink.

Also, Mana's music isn't very good. Hence, no hauntology. Oh, one last thing:

From what I understand, these are honest to goodness glass slippers. This is a fucking terrible idea. Don't these idiots know that glass breaks? The very idea of these makes me feel like that one scene in May where she talks to a group of blind kids and the glass... thing with her doll shatters on the floor and THERE'S BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!

...this too was all a part of Architeuthis's plan.

All right, I'm sick of this now. Ima go figure out the chords for Ariel Pink songs now.

HEY! That's a good idea, I'll come back later and upload some chords! Huzzah!

Top 10 Dinosaur Discoveries from the last couple of years

I was poking around and seeing how much of that cladogram I got right, and I ran into my old friend Panphagia. No one bothered to tell me, but he's a Guaibasaurid now. Really. Plus, Guaibasaurids are actually Sauropodomorphs now. Go figure. So, I got that part wrong, but then I didn't know until now, so I can't really count it out if it wasn't part of my memory to begin with.

So it got me thinking about some of the really awesome shit we've found in the past few years. I started seriously researching dinosaurs since the last few years of high school, around 2004-2005, and since then the newest discoveries have gotten straight to me, because I figured out where I should actually be going to get news about these sort of things. In the past, I never heard about Sinosauropteryx when they first found it, but I knew all about Giganotosaurus (which I called Gigantosaurus back then). So, this is a list of the stuff we've found out since I started paying attention, and therefore the times when the actual time of the discovery was just as memorable as the discovery itself.

Really, I'm waxing nostalgic for about six years ago, is whats happening here.

10. HAPLOCHEIRUS
When: 2010
Why: This one is pretty damn recent, but it already feels like a million years have passed since I was ripping my hair out trying to get a straight answer about what the hell Alvarezsaurs are. Turns out they're the most basal clade of maniraptorans. Cool, huh? Makes sense to me. So I sighed and moved on. Not to undermine it's importance, of course, it's just that the mystery is solved, and the whole point of resting easy is so you can get to the actual resting. So, I'm pretty over this now. But dang, thank god for this motherfucker. Am I right?

9. PANPHAGIA
When: 2009
Why: Like I said, Panphagia is a Guaibasaurid now, and Guaibasaurids are actually basal Sauropodomorphs, but instead of dimishing Panphagia's importance, it only makes it more interesting. I'll be honest, I don't really care about non-theropods. I mean, I try to pretend that they matter, but deep inside I know I'm not convincing anyone. They're all just so boring and ugly compared to even a Majungasaurus. Which is why I became so enamored with Panphagia. It was, by all accounts, a Sauropodomorph that wished it was a theropod. And I had it bad, I was fucking obsessed with this thing for months, I couldn't get it out of my head. It was like a bad love song, and everywhere I looked I saw Panphagia's head on a crow's body. Nevermind that he was probably a generalist, he had the ABILITY to be a carnivore, and I find it hard to believe he didn't take advantage of that when there were no Coelophysids around. I also think it's just genuinely cool looking, although you wouldn't know that to see some of the chupacabra-like mangy drawings around the internet (thanks to that thing Tianyulong changed, what was it called? Oh yeah, everything.).

And now with the Guaibasaurid thing? That's beyond cool. The reason this conclusion was reached, Chromogisaurus, who is just another Guaibasaurid, is also beyond cool. I mean, he doesn't make the list, but just for letting me say "just another Guaibasaurid" like I'm some super badass motherfucker from the future where we already have all this bullshit figured out, and you can buy designer pet Guaibasaurid clones from the Wal-Mart on your way to work, and we know about the plumage of every dinosaur that's ever lived, is pretty cool.

I mean, let's face it, I may be the only person on the planet besides the two jack offs that named this clade that actually knows what the fuck a "Guaibasaurid" is, and it just so happens to include my second favorite Sauropodomorph of all time (the first comes later). Plus, they are quite clearly killers, even more clearly now than they were before, only now instead of being "basal Saurischian" killers, they are full on Sauropodomorph killers.

Learn more about Guaibasaurids at your local library. Just kidding. You're not going to learn anything there.

8. TAWA
When: 2009
Why: Of course you already know how I feel about this. No matter what a few idiots say, though, Tawa is still the first Theropod. This also marks the first time a paleontologist gives a story to the papers that involves Herrerasaurs as one of the reasons why it qualifies as headline news. And then the wierd part is that those papers agreed, and started talking about how cool it is that there is finally some sort of idea of how they are related to Theropods. The how part was wrong, but whatever. Same as Panphagia, really, but this one is a theropod, so it's much more important.

7. LIMUSAURUS
When: 2009
Why: The fingers. Actually, I'll be honest, I don't give a damn about the fingers, but I do remember feeling like it was truly the future because of them. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, Limusaurus should be famous among lunatics and religious people as being the final nail in the coffin for their precious "dinosaurs are extinct" nonsense. The thing was the only "loose end" (it wasn't actually a loose end) in tying up (tee hee) the whole bird thing was the fingers on the hands. In living dinosaurs, developing embryos can be observed, and we can tell that the three fingers on a chicken (and the other living dinosaurs that still have arms) were digits II, III, and IV. We can't see fossils develop, so some had assumed without any evidence whatsoever that the remaining fingers on non-bird theropods (which means nothing, by the way) were I, II, and III. Of course, they were wrong, and no one payed attention to them because these are the sorts of things that crazy people say. If this sounds familiar, it should, because most things people think about extinct clades of dinosaurs are the complete opposite of true, and there is no evidence to support them, but it still takes decades of piling evidence to convince people that the truth is true, and made up bullshit is not. Example: people actually used to think that dinosaurs were cold blooded. No, I'm not lying, this really did happen. Like a snake. No, really. I'm not kidding. Like a fucking snake.

I actually still have a book or two that actually mention the "finger thing." In each, it is mentioned briefly and then dismissed because it just sounds so fucking stupid, and there is no evidence that non-bird dinosaurs (again, means nothing) had digits I, II, and III instead of II, III, and IV. One of these is an ornithology book, and those people are as stupid as a retarded rock from a country with a poor education system who is made fun of by the whole school for being so stupid. Also, Sibley & Alqhuist (or however you spell those fucking stupid names), who are even stupider than that, and single handedly set back dinosaur cladistics several decades with their stupid Ciconiiform antics. So, to reiterate, stupid.

So thats it. Birds (whatever the hell thats supposed to mean) are dinosaurs, which isn't news, and even the normally sensationalistic and ignorant journalists were finding it hard to care about Limusaurus.

But Limusaurus is remarkable for far more than just the stupid finger thing. First of all, he's a herbivore. Not a big deal yet. He's from the late Jurassic. "Okay," you think, "but we know plenty seed-eaters and pre-seed-eater-like paravians, and we know ornithomimosaurs had to have been present then, so whats this all about then?" He's a Ceratosaur. Yeah. The ones with the wiggly tails? Limusaurus is a beaked, toothless herbivore with a diminished I and V digit and a big ol' wiggly tail. You'd be forgiven for thinking it WAS an ornithomimosaur until you saw that wiggly tail. Whats more, he is one of the most basal Ceratosaurs ever found, meaning that hebivorous Ceratosaurs are actually pretty far branching. So, what I'm really trying to say is that everything we knew about Ceratosaurs was wrong, which is pretty damn cool.

6. MICRORAPTOR
When: ~2000
Why: Easily the oldest one on this list, so old, in fact, that all this controversy skipped by me entirely. I became aware of Microraptor in 2003-2004 after all the whatever had died down and it was time to really pay attention to what made Microraptor so special: four wings. So cool. Microraptor changed how we understand the plumage of basal paravians forever, and it is pretty well recieved at this point. I remember when it was still new, I would get all pissy all the time because Microraptor had changed everything, and I wasn't seeing that change happen, and it confused and angered me. This was simultaneously my first experience with both the speed of paleontology and the density of everyone else. It was extremely obvious, back in the summer of '04, that four wings are a paravian, and not a Microraptor trait. I knew this, and yet I would still see these wierd-looking mangy monsters on tv that were supposed to be raptors. I kept checking the "info" button, but it assured me that the reconstruction was done that year.

My favorite story about Microraptor though has got to be the time I saw a documentary about how it flew. It was from shortly after I graduated high school, and I was watching alot of history channel. These guys actually made a Microraptor puppet and placed it inside a wind tunnel to see how aerodynamic the old school "sprawling" leg shape actually was. Not only was this move physically impossible without the dinosaur dislocating both of it's legs, but it simply didn't give enough lift. The shape they discoved that did, of course, is that wonderful biplane shape that we are all so familiar with. This resonated with me because it was around 2005 or 2006, which, taken with my other estimates, means it had been around two or three years since Microraptor became known to me and the rest of the world that don't care about hoaxes, and at most six years since it was discovered period. This dinosaur started as a hoax, withing three of four years revolutionized the way we will think about paraves from now on, and a few years later we had a complete picture of how it actually flew which was the same time it's signifigance started to sink in with the general public. This, to me, perfectly illustrates the time ratios between the different knowledge bases.

Before Microraptor became Microraptor, there was a show called The Future is Wild that showed various possible futures in a manner similar to Dougal Dixon's After Man. Actually, it was kind of an unofficial sequel, and Dougal even wrote the book. In a possible biosphere from 100 million years in the future, we meet a creature called the Great Blue Windrunner, a large flying dinosaur that lives up on the Great Plateau, a mountain range created by Australia's impact with mainland Asia. GBW's are related to cranes, have feathers that reflect UV rays, and have four wings. They fly using the outdated "sprawling" technique. So, in the time that Microraptor was discovered, four wings was considered a futuristic trait of the "I know it sounds crazy, but it IS one possible future" variety. In other words, way out there but just enough to look plausible. It was great because we hit the nail right on the head, but in the wrong direction.

Lastly, I want to say that I don't know or care what the controversy about Microraptor was. It isn't important. What is important is that Microraptor changed everything in a way that I feel safe saying that in this post-Tianyulong environment.

5. SINOSAUROPTERYX
When: 2010
Why: Sinosauropteryx was first found in 1996, which I first learned from this cool shirt I saw Phil Currie wearing this one time, but this was in a time when I wasn't paying very close attention to dinosaurs. Rather, Godzilla had just died for the first time in my life, and I was trying to figure out how to deal with that. I knew about what would become Zilla, and that whole thing, but thats another story all together. Dave, Dyzio, Sino, and the early oviraptorosaurs being discovered at the time totally went over my head. So, when I really started getting into dinosaurs, all of this had already been figured out, and it had been decided that Dyzio was featherless, and the origin of feathers is actually at the base of Coelurosaurs, which would mean Tyrannosaurs had feathers, but we didn't get a confirmation on that until 2004. Of course, like I will have inscribed on my fucking tombstone, Tianyulong changed everything. But thats for later.

What I'm of course talking about is the discovery of what color Sinosauropteryx is. Turns out it was orange with white stripes on the tail and a white underbelly. Do I need to elaborate on why this is so earth-shatteringly cool? I thought not.

I should also say that Dave being poisonous (maybe) and Dyzio being redeemed because Tianyulong fucking changed everything are close runner-ups, but those don't fit terribly well with the rest of the list. Dyzio still blows my mind though, because they found him the year after Sino, but he was a Dilophosaurus, which was too much for anyone at the time to handle. Way to kick some ass, Dyzio.

So we can do that now. We can get pigments (or whatever the hell they did) from particularly good feather impressions. We are so close to knowing everything it's almost scary.

4. Tune in next time, if I remember, because the next one is another Sauropodomorph! Can YOU guess what it could be? The excitement is almost too much...

I'm just tired of writing for now.

Cladogram-orama: Dinosaur Cladogram/Family Tree from Memory

I feel like trying to reproduce a cladogram of dinosaurs from memory.

And, as always, when I say dinosaurs, I really mean just theropods. Because, really, who gives a shit about the other kinds? They're all dead.

Dinosaurs
|--Saurischian
|  |--+--Guaibasaurids
|  |  `--Sauropodomorphs
|  |     |--Prosauropods
|  |     |  |--Massospondylids
|  |     |  `--+--Plateosaurids
|  |     |     `--Riojasaurids
|  |     `--Sauropods
|  |        |--Vulcanodontids
|  |        |--Melanorosaurids
|  |        |--Cetiosaurids
|  |        |--crackets, there was another one i'm forgetting
|  |        `--Neosauropods (or Eu, I confuse these)
|  |           |--Mamenchisaurids
|  |           |--Omeisaurids
|  |           `--Eusauropods (likewise, might be Neo)
|  |              |--Diplodocids
|  |              |--Dicraeosaurids
|  |              |--Rebbachisaurids
|  |              `--Macronarians
|  |                 |--Camarasaurids
|  |                 |--Brachiosaurids
|  |                 `--Titanosauriformes (from here it gets ridiculous)
|  `--+--Herrerasaurids (I've been over this)
|     `--THEROPODS
|        |--Coelophysids
|        `--Averostans
|           |--Ceratosaurians
|           |  |--Ceratosaurids
|           |  |--Limusaurids (he deserves his own group)
|           |  `--Abelisaurians
|           |     |--Abelisaurids
|           |     `--Noasaurids
|           `--Tetanurines
|              |--Spinosauroids
|              |  |--Megalosaurids
|              |  `--Spinosaurids
|              `--Avetheropods
|                 |--Carnosaurs (synonymous with Allosaurian or Allosauroid)
|                 |  |--Allosaurids
|                 |  |--Sinraptorids
|                 |  |--Neovenatorids
|                 |  `--Carcharodontosaurids
|                 `--Coelurosaurs
|                    |--Compsognathids
|                    |--Tyrannosauroids
|                    |  |--Tyrannosaurids
|                    |  `--Dyrosaurids, right? Laelaps goes here.
|                    |--Ornithomimosaurids (in Maniraptoriformes?)
|                    `--Maniraptors
|                       |--Alvarezsaurids (thank god for Haplocheirus)
|                       |--+--Therizinosaurids
|                       |  `--Oviraptorids
|                       `--Paraves (polyphyletic raptors)
|                          |--Deinonychosaurs
|                          |  |--Dromaeosaurids
|                          |  |  |--Microraptorines
|                          |  |  |--Velociraptorines (Balaur goes here)
|                          |  |  |--Dromaeosaurines
|                          |  |  |--I'm forgetting one
|                          |  |  `--Sinornithosaurids
|                          |  `--Troodontids
|                          `--Avialians (does NOT mean "birds")
|                             |--Scansoriopterygids
|                             `--Pygostylians
|                                |--Confuciusornithes
|                                `--Ornithoraces
|                                   |--Enantiornithes (too many sub-groups)
|                                   |--Yanornithes? Is that a thing?
|                                   `--Ornithurines
|                                      |--Hesperornithes
|                                      `--Aves (just put Ichthy here, dammit!)
|                                         |--Paleognaths
|                                         |  |--Lithornithiformes
|                                         |  |--Struthioniformes
|                                         |  `--+--T-something
|                                         |     `--Ratites
|                                         |        |--+--+--Apterygiformes
|                                         |        |  |  `--Dinornithiformes
|                                         |        |  `--Aepyornithiformes
|                                         |        `--Casuariformes (switched?)
|                                         `--Neognaths
|                                            |--Galloanserines
|                                            |  |--Gastornithiformes
|                                            |  |--Anseriformes
|                                            |  |  |--Presbyornithids
|                                            |  |  |--Anhingids
|                                            |  |  |--Anatids
|                                            |  |  |--Anseranatids
|                                            |  |  |--Brontornids
|                                            |  |  `--Dromornithids
|                                            |  `--Galliformes
|                                            `--Neoaves
|                                               |--Metaves
|                                               |  |--Opisthocomiformes
|                                               |  |--?--Columbiformes
|                                               |  |  `--Pteroclodiformes
|                                               |  |--Phaethoniformes
|                                               |  |--Mirandornithes
|                                               |  |  |--Phoenicopterygiformes
|                                               |  |  `--Podicepiformes
|                                               |  |--Mesitornithomorphs
|                                               |  |  |--Aptornithiformes
|                                               |  |  |--Rhynchochetiformes
|                                               |  |  |--Eurypygiformes
|                                               |  |  `--Did I miss any?
|                                               |  `--Cypselomorphs
|                                               |     |(Forgot all of the
|                                               |     |structure. Hummingbirds,
|                                               |     |Swifts, whichever one
|                                               |     |Apodiformes is, Nightjars/
|                                               |     |Caprimulgiformes, and
|                                               |     |junk, with Daedlornithes
|                                               |     |being most basal.)
|                                               `--Coronaves
|                                                  |--Gruimorphs
|                                                  |  |--Gruiformes
|                                                  |  `--Waterbirds, out of room
|                                                  `-Charadrimorphs
|                                                    |--Charadriformes
|                                                    |  |--Lari (gulls)
|                                                    |  |--Jacanas
|                                                    |  `--too damn many
|                                                    `--Terrestrores (from Holtz)
|                                                       `--no room for all these
`--Ornithischians
   |--Heterodontosaurids
   `--Genasaurs
      |--Thyreophorans
      |  |--Stegosaurids
      |  `--Ankylosaurians
      |     |--Polacanthids
      |     `--Ankylosaurids
      `--Cerapods
         |--Ornithopods
         |  `--a shitload of endless branching synonymous sub-groups
         |     |--Hadrosaurines
         |     `--Lambeosaurines
         `--Marginocephalians
            |--Pachycephalosaurids
            `--Ceratopsians
               `--no fucking idea, don't care.

How did I do? I'll score myself one of these days, maybe latter today or tomorrow. If not, probably never.